AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"Are you certain all is well, brother? From what my Chelsea says, Miss Julia is quite smitten with you and I can see from your expression every time she is mentioned that you feel much the same way."
Feeling overemotional for perhaps the first time in his life, Gabriel slammed his fist down onto the desk and glared at his brother. "When I have news that I am ready to share, I shall share it. Until then, brother, concentrate on your own chance at happiness."
Jonathan looked as though he might be about to say something in jest. Then he seemed to think better of it, even shaking his head as though he meant to remove the thought before he could allow it to slip from his lips.
Feeling slightly guilty as his brother moved from where he had perched on the edge of the desk in front of him, Gabriel said, "Jon, I did not mean that as harshly as it sounded."
"Fear not, brother," Jonathan assured him. "I am well aware that you will brood and procrastinate long before you will ever admit your feelings for that woman. I just hope for your sake that you do not take too long about it."
Jonathan took his own letters and began to walk away. He did not stop until he reached the door. Then he turned in the doorway and added, "I hope for her sake you will not be a complete fool, as you have so often been in the past."
Gabriel watched his brother go, unsure as to what to say in response, knowing that there was really nothing he could say. His brother was right. He had already had so many opportunities to tell Miss Julia how he truly felt about her and he had fumbled over every one of them, uncertain of how to tell her just how much she truly meant to him.
Still, he could not help but think,is it enough that I love her?After all that his own parents’ marriage had caused, could he really risk marrying a woman just because of how he felt about her? If he were to do so, would he be condemning his own sons to the same fate that he and his brother had suffered for so many years already?
No, she is a proper English woman,Gabriel determined strongly, forcing back against the little voice of doubt that constantly plagued his mind, the voice that his father had always said was both a blessing and a curse, one that he would be forced to live with just like his father and his father before him.
Not for the first time, he found himself wishing that he could think of it only as a man who was in love with a woman and not an earl whose entire family would be affected by his choice, his entire legacy hanging in the balance if he did not make the right one.
And yet he knew one thing for certain. If he did not marry Miss Julia, he was adamant that he would never marry anyone because he was sure he could not put himself through a loveless marriage, just as his father had refused to do.
You are more like your father than you know,he thought, hearing his mother's voice in the thought and knowing that if he tried to explain all of his thoughts to her that would be exactly what she would tell him. Before he had become earl, he might have discussed the matters with her and asked for her advice before taking it to his father but now, as the earl and the head of the household, he couldn't help but feel as though he had to stand on his own two feet. Whatever decision he made, it had to be his own.
Deep down, he knew there was only one thing stopping him from making it.What if she does not feel the same way?He thought, his gut clenching painfully at the idea that Miss Julia would reject him because, in truth, she was far too good for him. She was far too good for any mere mortal.
To him, she was the brightest of Christmas angels and she had brought back almost all that was missing from his life, all but his dear departed father. Though feeling the love he felt for her, and remembering his parents’ own deeply connected love, he couldn't help but feel as though she had actually brought at least a part of him back, making up for all those years of suffering and ridicule he had been forced to endure.
Oh, Miss Julia, what are you doing to me?
Chapter 19
Lady Drover's holiday party was just what one would expect from a widowed countess whose husband had been entirely too wealthy and without a direct heir, not to mention the fact that she had been a very wealthy heiress even before she married. In fact, Drover's parties were known for being the best parties of any season, whether it was spring, summer, autumn, or winter.
Rarely could anyone match the grandeur of her decorations, her caterers, or even her musicians, not to mention her grand estate. It became a winter wonderland in December filled with frozen ponds and even a small lake.
With snow-covered lawns it was perfect for more sleighing and there was even a hill or two for the younger ones to toboggan down during the earlier hours of the evening, before they went home with their maids to their beds.
Close to the house, braziers burned, melting away the snow from the terraces and other walkways while inside was lit with what appeared to be a million candles. Every room was decorated with garlands, trees, baubles, and other fine decorations, which Chelsea marvelled at just as she always did while Julia found her mind elsewhere.
Though it had been a few days since her last encounter with the earl in the carriage, she couldn't stop thinking of him or of the fact that she was even more sure than ever that she needed to tell him the truth. A part of her had wanted to immediately after having given herself to him. At the time, she had been too happy and too filled with pleasure to even dare open her lips on the matter.
Now, even during the festivities, she found herself unable to think of anything else and looking out for the earl in the crowd, wondering whether she might get the chance to speak with him alone. She turned down several offers to dance, claiming to have a headache or some other such excuse, her mind entirely focused on one thing. It didn't help in the least that there was mistletoe hanging all over the house and all Julia could think of was standing below it with her earl.
"Are you well?" Chelsea asked more than once. She sidled up beside Julia after having danced for the fourth time with anybody but her betrothed, who also had yet to show. "I overheard you declining yet another dance."
Julia barely heard her friend. She was much too busy glancing about the room. But the elbow that jabbed her in the ribs caused her to realise she was standing there, awaiting a response.
"Forgive me," she said, blushing a little. "I was looking for your betrothed. I would hate for him to miss you when he arrives."
Out of her peripheral vision, she saw Chelsea roll her eyes. "You are quite hilarious, Julia. We both know exactly who you are looking for."
Julia's stomach twisted at her friend's words. Was she quite obvious?
"Yes, well," she responded in a huff, unable to meet her friend's gaze. "Even if I were, he is not here, and neither is his brother, so we are both out of luck."
Though she said the words with as little emotion as possible, inside, her gut was churning and she felt as if she might be sick. The thought of the earl not coming at all made her feel anxious. Especially as she had been rather hoping they might share in the biggest party of the Christmas season together.
Even if I am at risk of ruining everything,she thought begrudgingly, knowing it was only a matter of time before she destroyed her own happiness. Yet deep down, she knew she had only herself to blame.
