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Unable to stand the happy faces and laughter any longer, feeling as she did, Julia gripped hold of Chelsea's forearm and asked, "Will you cover for me if I go and find a quiet spot to rest awhile? I truly am getting a headache."
Chelsea gave her a look that suggested she need not have even asked. Then her friend placed a gloved hand upon hers on her arm and squeezed as she said, "Of course I will, and when they arrive, I shall send him to find you."
Neither needed to say his name aloud to know just who she was talking about, and so Julia silently thanked her friend with a grateful smile before she retired from the ballroom to find a quiet place to sit and think, or even to try to stop herself from overthinking.
The only place she could find to be alone with her thoughts was the west-facing conservatory filled with all its usual plants and statues while also being as decorated as the rest of the house.
She found the perfect spot upon a marble bench to sit and be alone, cocooned from the view of the doorway she had entered through due to the strategic positioning of several planters with huge bushes and trees growing inside. If not for the high vaulted glass ceiling, Julia might have wondered how such large plants ever hoped to grow inside.
She was sitting there, twirling the drawstrings of her reticule around and around her fingers, when she heard the clicking of the door opening. Peering through the leaves, holding her breath in the hopes of going unnoticed, she wondered who else might have wandered away from the festivities.
She was about to duck and pray they would pass through to the gardens or something when she recognised the handsome, dark-haired, green-eyed figure who whispered into the candlelit conservatory, "Miss Julia? Are you in here? Miss Chelsea sent me to find you."
There was concern in his tone, and it caused Julia's insides to clench. Rising to her feet, she called back in a hushed tone, "I am here."
His eyes grew wide with startlement, as though he hadn't expected for there to be an answer. Then the earl stepped the rest of the way over the threshold and clicked the glass door closed behind him.
An almost instant thrill rushed through Julia the instant the door was closed. She once more found herself entirely alone with the earl and yet he had still to approach her.
By the time he managed to find his way around to her to stand before the smaller Christmas tree that had been erected in the conservatory, her heart was hammering so fast that she was certain he would be able to hear it if she remained silent for too long. She opened her mouth to speak, but he beat her to it.
"Are you alright?" he asked, the concern still clear in his tone and his face. His brow was slightly furrowed and his lips scowling, his hands clasped behind him as though he was unsure of the situation. Julia so desperately wanted to reach out and urge him to touch her. "Miss Chelsea says you are feeling unwell."
Julia opened her mouth to continue the lies she had been coming up with all night, yet when she gazed into his green eyes, she realised that she couldn't do that to him. Of all the people she could lie to, the earl was most definitely not one of them, even a small white lie.
"I admit I was just looking for an excuse to get away for a while," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "All the merriment can get a little too much from time to time. Especially when you have nobody to share it with."
Julia's breath hitched in her throat when she saw sympathy fill his striking green eyes. They seemed to practically glow in the half-light, far brighter than they ought to have, as though it was merely down to the strength of emotion within him.
"I am well aware of the feelings, Miss Julia," he announced, and with that he closed the distance between them, holding out his arms low for her to place her hands in his. "But I am here now."
Yes, you are…Julia breathed a deep sigh of relief and instinctively stepped into his arms. Instead of placing her hands in his, she raised them to press her palms against his chest. In response, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her nearer.
"I have missed you," he stated. Just as Julia was about to respond that she had missed him, too, he leaned down and kissed her so passionately that her head felt as though it might well roll right off her shoulders.
She embraced it, kissing him back until she felt his fingers gathering in the skirts of her gown, just like they had that day in the carriage. Her heart hammered, heat pooling between her thighs with the desperation she felt to have him all over again. Yet this time, it was her good sense that finally won out.
Against everything she had in her, she grabbed hold of his wrists and began to force his hands away from her skirts.
"What is the matter?" he asked, his hazy gaze filled with passion. Then, in the next instant, his demeanour changed, and he quickly stepped away. "I'm sorry. Forgive me. I should not have…"
Julia could not allow him to finish the sentence. The thought that he might regret anything that had happened between them made her feel nauseous. She grabbed his hands and pulled them up to her chest, causing him to look her directly in the eye with a clear look of surprise.
"It is not that I do not wish to give myself to you again," she admitted, her cheeks heating with a little embarrassment. "But there is something I must say, my lord, and I would not feel right about it if I allowed you to have me once again without being honest."
With every word she spoke, her heart raced harder. A lump formed in the back of her throat and it only seemed to get bigger with every breath.
"What is the matter?" the earl asked, his voice soft, not yet suspicious that she might have been keeping something huge from him. "Are you well?"
His deep concern for her made her feel even more guilty over having not already told him the truth, and she bit her lip. Could she really tell him after all they had already been through? Could she risk losing everything just on the basis of who she was, simply because she had withheld the information? The churning in her gut told her that yes, she could.
"My lord, there is something I must say, something I have been keeping from you, though I never meant for it to come between us," she said, trying her hardest to keep her voice from trembling just as she was. She squeezed his hands a little tighter, terrified that he might pull away.
His gaze darkened a little, though he said nothing, merely watching her closely as he awaited her explanation.
Just tell him and get it over with,she realised, knowing it was now best to simply rip the bandage off.
"My lord, I am Miss Julia Pritchard, the daughter of Viscount Chalmers," she confessed, and the moment the words were out of her mouth, she slammed her eyes shut, terrified to see the reaction upon his face.
