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Hearing those words was like a soothing balm to Julia's sore heart. Yet it lasted only a moment before she remembered the last several weeks and how he had flitted from one direction to another with his feelings.
"If that is true, then why have you tortured me so? Why have you refused to see me or written back to any of my letters?" she asked, placing her palms upon his chest so she could push herself back to look him in the eye. "I must know the truth, my lord."
The pained expression on his face, the way he flinched at her words, made her feel nervous and even a little sympathetic, though she could not bring herself to comfort him, not after all he had put her through. Not without answers.
"I… I… you must forgive me, Miss Pritchard," Lord Sutthers announced, and she was disappointed when he stepped away from her, causing her arms to drop to her sides. "I saw what thetondid to my mother, how they treated her for being attached to a Tatford in the way that she was, and I could not bear to do that to you."
Julia opened her mouth to make a protest, but he did not give her the chance.
"When I learned of your true identity, I knew that scandal would be made all the worse by your connection to His Majesty."
Julia's stomach clenched. All her life, she had been judged for her family's wealth and their connection to the royal family. Now she knew she had been right not told Lord Sutthers from the beginning.
Holding her breath, Julia reached up and cupped his face in her hand. Her touch clearly stunned him and his gaze moved from where he had been looking at her lips, as if he wished to kiss them again, to her eyes.
She offered a smile, her ache and her face aching with the effort as she attempted to hold back emotional and frustrated tears.
"I would rather have a life worthy of gossip and scandal than no life at all," she stated firmly, her smile broadening though it was increasingly difficult not to let the tears fall when she saw the shocked reaction upon his face.
For just a second, she thought that he was going to accept her at her word, then he reached up and gripped her hand away from his face. Still holding it aloft, he pressed his lips into her palm and held them there before he turned to address her once more. "I am sure my mother likely said similar to my father once or twice."
"And do you believe their marriage was any less happy?" Julia persisted. She could feel the doubt coming off him in waves, see the hopefulness in his gaze as though he so desperately wanted to listen to every word that she said and forget about everyone else.
"Whether they were happy together or not, society has made life hell for the both of them," Lord Sutthers said and he stepped away, shaking his head as if he wished to force away her influence before he could change his mind.
Knowing that this might be her very last chance to convince him she cared not for the thoughts of others, she grabbed hold of both his hands and pulled him to her again, forcing him to look down at her with her strong gaze as she stated, "I would rather walk through hell with you at my side than be forced to enter a purgatory with a man I could never love."
"What man?" the earl responded quickly, his eyebrow raising with suspicion. And it was clear from the expression on his face that he had almost immediately become jealous. Julia had to bite back laughter at the sight of him and she shook her head, lowering her gaze in the hopes that he would not see her amusement.
"There is no other man, but if you do not have me, my parents will insist upon my finding another match, and for the sake of my siblings, I could not deny them that," Julia said, her teeth gritting at the words as she thought of how unfair her world was towards women.
"If you will not have me because you are scared to damn me to scandal, then you shall inevitably damn me to a loveless and unhappy marriage, for I know that I shall never feel the same way for another."
The earl's body tensed visibly then, and it was clear her words were getting through to him. Unwilling to let him fall back again, she continued, "You will damn me to trying to wade through hundreds of men who only seek me for my wealth and good standing in society and I shall never know the truth of a love built on just that."
The earl cringed then. She gazed at him longingly, praying that he would listen to her and that he would not change his mind all over again.
For several minutes or maybe even longer, they stood in utter silence, their hands clasped together. All Julia could hear was her own heavy breathing and the pounding of her heart in her eardrums as she awaited his response.
It was an agonisingly painful wait and one she thought might never end. But Lord Sutthers opened his eyes, and in an instant, his entire expression had changed. It became unreadable, perhaps even hard as stone. And Julia feared she had pushed him too far. She gripped tighter to his hands, terrified that he would try to pull away.
But when he did, it was not to step away from her to ask her to leave. Instead, he dropped down before her, landing on one knee. The balancing of such a stance seemed to take everything in him and Julia guessed he was still feeling the effects of the poison that had been put into his and his brother's food over the last few weeks.
Yet his hands gripped hers firmly and his gaze seemed stronger than ever as he looked her in the eye and asked, "Miss Julia Pritchard, you are the most beautiful and intelligent and breathtaking woman I have ever met and I have been a fool to push you away."
Julia opened her mouth to tell him that yes he was, but she never got the chance because he cleared his throat and added, "Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"
Julia could no longer hold back the tears that she had been trapping for practically their entire conversation. After all that had happened and all they had been through, she couldn't even begin to imagine that this was real.
"I… I…" she stammered, struggling to speak past the lump of emotion in her throat. "Yes, yes, I will!"
In her excitement, she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Caught off guard and unbalanced, they found themselves sprawled on the floor, a tangle of arms and legs, laughing like a pair of children.
After all that had happened, it felt extremely odd to have some good news to share, but Julia took on the challenge willingly when Gabriel suggested they go to the drawing room to explain everything to his mother. The poor woman, though suspicious, had been left entirely out of the loop when it came to all that had gone on that evening. And when they entered the drawing room, she looked tired.
Julia couldn't exactly blame her. It was getting quite late. But she knew there was no way she could go home yet, not until they had at least shared their news with somebody, or she might burst.
"Is everything okay?" Lady Sutthers asked the moment they stepped inside. She looked between her son and Julia with a raised eyebrow.
