Page 11 of Just Say When


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Relief washed over Earl’s face as he closed his eyes. His body was utterly slack, and I’d thought he’d fallen asleep. Once again, his eyelids snapped open, and he peered around the room.

“Well, shit,” he said. “This isn’t heaven, and you sure as hell aren’t my Lucy.”

“No, sir.”

“I suppose we need to go over my final wishes,” Earl said. “I’ve told you most of them.”

“Yes, sir. You wish to be cremated, and you want me to scatter your ashes in the lake at sunrise,” I said calmly and not at all like my heart was breaking in two.

“And you’ll pick me up from the undertaker in Betty, right? I want one more ride.”

“Absolutely,” I managed to reply.

“Boy,” Earl said, “It’s okay to cry. I’m going to miss you like crazy too. Maybe it will make an old man happy to see at least one person squeeze out a tear at my passing.”

I stopped fighting and let them fall. Earl lifted a shaky hand and cupped my face. “Besides my Lucy, you were the light of my life.” His lips trembled, and tears spilled down his face. “I need to tell you something, and I hope you won’t be mad at me.”

“No, sir.” Nothing Earl could say would ruin our last few hours together.

“I asked Wayne to do a favor for me, and he rang me up a few days ago to let me know he’d accomplished the mission and asked how to proceed. I told him to let me handle it.”

I knew he was referring to Wayne Carlson, his estate attorney, but I couldn’t imagine what favor he’d requested. “I’m listening.”

“I asked Wayne to locate your mama,” Earl said.

My lungs seized, and my heart stuttered. I hadn’t seen Billie Jo Beecham since she’d dropped me off at my grandparents’ house when I was six. She told me she was running a few errands but never came back. People told me I watched for her every day for two years. I can’t remember, but I had no reason to doubt the claims. It took another two or three years before I stopped praying for her to return every night. I hadn’t consciously thought about Billie Jo in a dozen years or more, though she sometimes came to me in my dreams. I had the resources at my disposal to find her if I wanted to, but I’d never had the urge to use them.

“A small part of me wondered if maybe your daddy hadn’t made her disappear. I never would’ve pegged Billie Jo for a woman who’d leave her son behind.”

I forced my lips to form words. “And Wayne found her…alive?”

Earl sucked in a deep breath, which induced a slight cough. He sipped some water, then nodded. “She remarried. Her new name is—”

I cut him off with a firm shake of my head. “Enough about her,” I said. I wasn’t sure how to feel about this development, but I knew I didn’t want thoughts of Billie Jo Whoever to rob me of a second with my grandfather.

Earl swallowed hard but nodded. “Wayne has the information if you ever want it.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “Can I request a favor?”

Earl arched a white brow and chuckled. “Why? You’re not dying.”

I shook my head at his impervious attitude. “Will you give Gram a big hug from me when you see her again?”

“Only after I give her a big kiss from me,” Earl replied.

I spent the next several hours with my grandfather, alternating between watching him sleep and listening to him impart his wisdom. As the new day encroached, his musings became sparse and weren’t much more than incoherent mutterings, but I still absorbed them like a greedy sponge. My hero took his final breath around four in the morning. Whitney, the kind-eyed nurse, lifted her stethoscope from Earl’s chest and regarded me with a sad smile.

“I know,” I said softly. Maybe it was exhaustion, but I swore I’d felt Earl’s essence leave his body.

Whitney left me alone with him again, and I sat with Earl for a while before signing the necessary papers for the funeral home to pick him up. I’d asked about his outstanding bill, but they assured me not to worry about it just then. Several nurses cried and told me how much they’d loved Earl. I’d always known he was by far the favorite resident at Twin Oaks. By the time I staggered to my truck, it was nearly six. I’d locked my phone in the glove box and retrieved it to call Lio. I needed to hear his voice and figured it wasn’t too soon to start living up to the promise I’d made to Earl.

I was shocked to see I’d missed a half dozen phone calls from Lio and twice as many text messages. He hadn’t left any voicemails, so I scrolled through the texts. The first one landed right after I arrived at the nursing home. Lio apologized for how our afternoon had turned out and he suggested we have dinner and talk. The following few messages were similar in tone, but they grew in intensity as the night wore on without a response from me, and guilt churned the acid in my stomach. I realized Lio had gotten into his truck and had started looking for me. The final text made me smile despite my shattered heart.

Where the hell are you, Abe? You’re not at your house. You’re not at the cabin. So help me, if you’re working out your frustrations on someone’s ass right now while I had to rely on my fist…

Fucking Lio. As if anyone else would do. My thumb hovered over the phone icon. If I called him, he’d answer no matter the hour. That wasn’t the issue. Hearing his voice was no longer enough. I needed to see Lio and touch him. I wanted his warmth pressed against me, and I needed him to make the hurt disappear. The intensity of my emotions scared me, but I leaned into them instead of running away. I fired up old Betty and reversed out of the parking space. Fatigue settled in my bones, but I battled it off during the forty-minute drive back to Lio’s house.

His truck was in its usual spot, and I parked beside it and killed the engine. I didn’t pause to second-guess my impulse or question the wisdom of showing up unannounced at nearly six in the morning on a Sunday. I used my key and let myself inside his house. The foyer light snapped on, revealing Lio standing at the end of the hallway wearing nothing but a pair of skimpy briefs. The pale blue color looked incredible against his bronze skin. God, I longed to nuzzle my face in his chest hair. I forced my gaze upward and took note of Lio’s bedhead before I observed his scowling midnight eyes. His dark beard emphasized his lush mouth, and I longed to nibble on the bottom lip.

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