Page 8 of Just Say When


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The battle to remain calm raged in Lio’s eyes, but his voice was calm when he said, “Yes, I do, but we’re not talking about my dating history.”

“You want to get into this?” I asked. “Fine. Sara Beth and I got married when we were little more than kids, just like you and Alyssa. We grew apart, just like you and Alyssa. End of story. You can hardly call me a commitment-phobe in the same sentence you acknowledge I had a wife.”

“I didn’t call you a commitment-phobe. You have abandonment issues.” That remark was nearly the knockout punch, but I somehow remained standing. Maybe it was because I only saw love and acceptance in Lio’s gaze, even when discussing the issue he viewed as the wedge between us. “Why did the two of you grow apart?” he asked.

“Because she wanted something I didn’t want to give her.”

“She wanted to have your children,” Lio said as if I’d forgotten how I’d broken her heart.

“Sara Beth knew that wasn’t on the table for me. I never wanted kids, and Sara Beth had said she didn’t want them either. She changed her mind. I didn’t. The end.” The last thing the world needed was more Beechams walking among them. It was too bad my cousins didn’t have the same compunction.

Lio placed his hand over my heart, and I knew he could feel the way it pounded. “For expediency, I’ll let that one go for now. We’ll pretend you don’t adore kids. Let’s talk about Skylar instead.”

“Okay, let’s talk about Sky,” I said. “He got a promotion that took him to a different state.”

“He proposed and asked you to move with him.”

“My life was here.”

“And if I took a job somewhere else?” Lio pressed.

“I’d go too.” And I meant it. I was done living an existence that didn’t include Lio as my life partner.

“And Jeremy?” he asked.

Those two words were a knife to the heart, and I hung my head. Two years ago, I’d made a horrible mistake when our army buddies, Jeremy and Allen, joined Lio and me for a poker weekend. I’d been downing whiskey and nursing a bruised heart because Lio had started dating someone new. I had no right to be jealous after rejecting his kiss, but I burned with it. Jeremy was newly divorced and flirty, so we exchanged blow jobs out behind the cabin. There was no confession of love or expressed desire to date one another. It was two sad, horny guys getting one another off. But I’d felt so guilty afterward and hadn’t talked to Jeremy since. Fuck, I hated it when Lio was right.

I forced myself to meet Lio’s gaze and tried not to cringe. His dark eyes were heavy with hurt and something that looked a lot like betrayal. How horrible it must’ve been for him to see us together after I’d turned away from him. I’d never hated myself more than I did right then.

“I wasn’t aware you saw us.”

Lio snorted. “Obviously.”

“It was just the once and—”

“You ghosted Jeremy.” He quirked a brow and dared me to deny it. Lio deserved more, so I deployed a better tactic: honesty.

“Yeah. I’ve avoided his calls and texts because it was easier.”

“Christ, Abe. Jeremy and I have never been tight, and I fucking hate that he’s had you in ways I can’t, but he deserved better from you.” I wanted to correct him. Lio could have me any way he wanted, but this wasn’t the moment to point it out. I had major damage control to perform before he would let his guard down around me again. “Make it right with him, Abe.”

“I will. I promise.”

“And you can’t disappear on me for another month, Abe. My heart won’t be able to take it again.”

Shame washed over me, but I managed to keep my gaze locked on his. “There is nothing I regret more than those thirty days without you. I wish I could go back in time and change things, but I can’t. It won’t happen again, Lio.”

His expression was indecipherable while he processed what I said. My mouth and throat felt dry as if I hadn’t been wearing a mask while sanding. I wanted to reach for my beer, but worried Lio might bolt if I let go of him. But I didn’t want to physically imprison Lio; I wanted him there of his own accord. I released my grip and took a drink.

“That’s mine,” he said, breaking the silence.

He couldn’t know that because he hadn’t taken his eyes off me. His lips trembled at the corner, and I could tell he was trying to lighten the oppressive mood in the room. “Don’t care.” I set the beer down and cupped his neck. “I love you in ways I’ve never loved anyone else. My failed relationships and questionable one-night stands have nothing to do with abandonment issues.”

“I think you might even believe that,” Lio said. “But you don’t think you’re good enough, and you push people away before they can leave you. I won’t say your swagger is all for show because you are confident in every aspect of your life. Except for relationships. But your cockiness hides a vulnerable heart I’d never hurt in a million years.”

I leaned in and pressed a quick kiss against Lio’s lips. “We’ll have to agree to disagree.” I lowered my hands and took two steps back.

“And just where are you going? We’re in the middle of an argument.”

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