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“It was… I mean, I felt… something. Something I haven’t felt in a long time,” I told her, the words just spilling out. “I don’t know.”
“And you want it to happen again?”
I sighed. It was obvious. I wrapped my arms around myself.
“It just felt good,” I admitted.
Desmond and I didn’t have sex for the last couple years we were together. He wasn’t attracted to me anymore. He didn’t say it. Not with words. When we were out, his eyes were on other women. There was nothing I could wear, or not wear, that tempted him anymore.
“I get that,” Sasha said. She nodded, like a therapist trying to assess me. “I think you need to get laid.”
“I don’t want to sleep with Mark.”
“Not yet, you don’t. Because you’re not ready for Mark yet,” she explained. “Mark is relationship material. And you’re not ready for a relationship yet.”
“That I agree with.”
“But youareready for a roll in the hay with a hot man.”
“Sasha!”
“Don’tSashame. You said it yourself. You miss being wanted. I’m sure you miss sex. What’s it been, like… a year?”
“Two, actually.”
“Fuck,” she scoffed. “Yeah, you need to get on that.”
I rolled my eyes.
“But, back to my original point. You need to get back on that horse. You need a hot night with a hot man and I think that Hot Neighbor Guy is the perfect candidate,” she theorized. “You said he’s kind of a fuckboy, right?”
I bristled, regretting that I’d called him that. But I nodded. “Yeah, I get the impression that he has a lot of one-night stands.”
“Then just… tell him you’re down…”
“I’m down?”
“Oh, my God. DTF. Down to fuck. Whatever the kids are calling it these days,” she said. “Just tell him you want to sleep with him and I’m sure he’ll jump at the chance. And then, when you’ve gotten your itch scratched, you’ll be in the right mindset for a relationship and… ta da… there’s Mark.”
I sat still for a second, saying nothing. I wasn’t sold on the idea of going out with Mark, but I could definitely get behind the idea of a one-night stand with Carter. But then, I remembered that there was one guy in my life who had to be the priority over anyone that I was going to date or to sleep with.
“I don’t think so, Sasha. I’ve got to worry about Rex in all of this,” I said, finally. “What’s he going to think if I start dating? And, I mean, he likes Carter. They’re kind of friends. If we sleep together… I don’t know.”
“I think you’re overthinking this, Zoe.”
“I don’t think you’re thinking about it enough.”
I got up, getting ready to retrieve my son from the group of kids playingduck, duck, goosein the playground sandbox. The sun was starting to set.
And I hadto get ready for a date that I had no desire to go on.
Twelve
Zoe
“You look pretty tonight, Zoe,” Mark said, for the fifth or sixth time. “I rarely ever see you out of scrubs. You’re so… wow.”
“Thanks, Mark.”
