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“Yes. I suppose.”
“When were you going to tell me about this?” Desmond wondered.
“When was I going to tell you that our son has friends? And fits in at school? And isn’t a social pariah?”
Desmond opened his mouth to speak, but I’d had enough and cut him off.
“What is this really about?” I snapped. “We’ve been through your whole list of concerns point by point. You didn’t like my condo? Fixed. You think I’m irresponsible because of my past? Turned over a new leaf. You think—”
“Ithinkthat I want my son to have the things in life that I never had,” Desmond said. “A nice home. Good schools. Peers that appreciated him.”
“He can have that with me.”
“Really, Zoe? He can have that kind of life with you?” Desmond said, his tone harsh. “Where is he now? He’s throwing a ball around a park with some handyman who doesn’t know Emily Dickinson from Dr. Seuss.”
“Desmond—”
“I mean, this week I sat him down to discuss the differences between intellectual and reflective poetry and he wouldn’t stop carrying on about tee ball leagues. He asked me for a baseball mitt.”
“Desmond—”
“I was beside myself.” Desmond shook his head and sighed out heavily. But, to my surprise, he didn’t look angry anymore. He actually looked hurt. I met his eyes, suddenly realizing what this was about. It wasn’t about tee ball or school or Emily Dickinson.
“You’re jealous,” I whispered. “You don’t want him here because you don’t want him spending time with Carter.”
“Yeah, I’m really jealous of your boy toy.” He tried to sound like he was joking but failed.
As he shoved his hands in his pockets, I realized that no amount of sarcasm could hide the truth. Desmond was jealous of Carter.
“I’m going to ignore theboy toycomments,” I told him. “But only because you’re actually being honest for once. Desmond, Carter is our neighbor and… friend. And, yes, Rex is drawn to him. But Carter isn’t his father.”
Desmond didn’t look reassured. “I can’t teach my son to throw a ball. Or make friends in school. Or dokid things. I never had that growing up.”
“I know.”
“You’re right about one thing,” he conceded. “Sometimes, I forget that our son is a child.”
“I’ve noticed that too.”
“I just… I don’t want to lose him,” Desmond confessed. “When Rex talks about you and Carter, it almost like the three of you have this life together and I’m not a part of it. It hurts, you know.”
“I understand. I’m not trying to hurt you, Desmond.”
“Part of me knows that.” Desmond shook his head. “And here I am fighting hurt with more hurt.”
“Yeah.” I was glad he realized it. “That’s exactly what you were doing.”
“I’m sorry, Zoe.”
And there it was. The elusive, avoided-at-all-costs, Desmond Hodgkins apology. I didn’t tell him that all was forgiven right away, like I normally would have. I let the words hang there in the air.
“So where does that leave us?” I finally asked.
“I guess… back to where we were before. Rex spends a week with me, then a week with you, and we figure out holidays on a case-by-case basis. Business as usual.” He shrugged, like it was all really that simple. “No harm, no foul.”
Holly looked pleased, but I had more to say before I was ready to shake on this and make nice.
“Desmond, I’m happy to go back to our previous custody agreement,” I told him. “But I’m not ready to let bygones be bygones just yet. I want something in writing saying that you can’t just barge into my life looking to rearrange everything and drag me over the coals just because you’re jealous, disagree with me, or have some other issue. I don’t want to go through this every time you get insecure. I want… what’s it called. A covenant not to sue? A promissory something?”
