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“I don’t want to talk about Luke Kane anymore, Steph,” I snapped.
“Whoa. Okay. No more Luke talk.”
“Thank you.”
“Though I just want to point out that this is the first time you’ve expressed any kind of emotion all week.”
I said nothing.
“I’m just saying. I know you’re angry, but it’s also the first time you’ve acted like a human since you got back,” she stated.
She was right. My heart was beating faster. Heat rushed to my cheeks.
It wasn’t an enjoyable feeling. It was a wave of fresh hurt and humiliation and the harsh realization that I wasn’t as over it as I thought I was. It was having to admit that after ten years of near radio silence from Luke and everything that I’d been through that I could still get riled up just by the mention of his name.
“I have absolutely no idea what to say about that.”
Five
Cindy
Stephanie spent the rest of the week dragging me out of the house to a variety of friends’ homes, bar trivia nights, coffee shops, and beauty treatments. I started feeling like I’d unwillingly signed up for the all-inclusive tour of Blue Creek. Stephanie chatted on endlessly about her work and her life and her girlfriend, Maya. I did my best to nod along and show some enthusiasm because I knew that all she really wanted was to reconnect with me and hang out like we did when we were younger. I felt kind of guilty for wanting to be left alone.
But I was also starting to wonder if she was afraid to leave me alone.
That night, Stephanie decided that it was time for Maya and me to meet, so the three of us met for dinner at Cucina Lucia, the best—and only—Italian restaurant in town. It was a beautiful, candlelit place, with white tablecloths and different forks for various courses. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to a restaurant this upscale, and I knew I was carrying myself a little stiffly.
“You’re acting like you’re going to break something,” Stephanie said as she opened the door for me. “Just walk. Like a normal person.”
There was that word again. Normal.
Once inside, the hostess led us toward the back of the restaurant.
“Okay, now, don’t go allbig sisteron her,” she warned me with a laugh.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean don’t, like, grill her with questions or ask her about her intentions for me. Or, like, talk about why she and her ex broke up. Stuff like that.”
“Why? Did she and her ex break up over something bad?” I wondered.
“No, just… that was an example.”
“Okay. No heavy stuff. Got it.”
“Oh, and um, maybe don’t bring up any of my exes either,” she said with a slight cringe.
“Do you have any exes?”
“Of course I have exes,” she snapped at me. “But none of them are women.”
“I see. So Maya doesn’t know she’s your first woman?”
“No, she doesn’t,” Steph confirms. “And I don’t think now is really the time to tell her.”
“Do you think she’d break up with you if she knew? I mean, you guys have been together for, what, a year?”
“Ten months.”
