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I stopped my treadmill, needing my full focus to process what she was saying to me.
“You know what I’m talking about, Luke. Don’t play dumb.”
“Is this about Cindy’s crush on me in high school? ’Cause she already told me about that.”
“Luke, Cindy’s feelings go way beyond some crush. My sister was full on in love with you. Like, crazy, irrevocably, earth-shatteringly in love with you,” Stephanie said. “And part of me is worried that she still is.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but Stephanie was really on a tear.
“Because of you, my sister couldn’t leave Blue Creek fast enough. When you and Emmeline got married, I never thought I’d get Cindy back. It took ten fucking years and I finally have my sister back. But now I’m worried I’m going to lose her all over again,” she said. “Luke, if you’re never going to love my sister like she loves you, you need to let her go.”
Stephanie pushed a few buttons on the treadmill, but it wouldn’t start. She grunted in frustration before abandoning the machine and marching off toward the free weights.
I turned to Maya, not knowing what to say. Was Cindy reallystillin love with me? Did she have these feelings the whole time that she was away? Is that why our friendship still felt so strained?
“I can’t.” I said.
“Can’t what?” Maya asked.
“I can’t just let her go. We’re barely speaking, and it’s really tense sometimes, but I don’t want to think about her moving out. Is that selfish?”
“Maybe,” she answered. “But Cindy’s an adult. She knows she can leave at any time, and she isn’t budging either.”
“True.”
“Do you want my take on this, Luke?”
I shrugged.
“Cindy reminds you of a time in your life when you were more hopeful. Life hadn’t beaten you down yet. And you want to keep Cindy close because you want that back,” she concluded.
“So you’re a shrink as well as a guidance counselor-slash-bar manager?”
“No. But I spend my days with hormonal teenagers and my nights with drunk adults. I’m an expert at reading people,” Maya said. “Cindy’s tough as nails, Luke. But you’re the only one she’s ever given her heart to. And you need to figure out what you want to do with that.”
Boy, did I.
I went home,and marched straight to the guest room. Cindy’s room. I knocked on the door sharply and she answered.
“If it isn’t Blue Creek Fire Department’s newest calendar model,” she teased.
I wasn’t there to play games.
“Are you still in love with me?” I asked. “Like, right now?”
“Luke, come on. I know I said some shit when I was drunk. But please don’t be a dick about it.”
“I’m not trying to be a dick. Are you still in love with me? Like, is that why you’re staying with me even though this is awkward as fuck?”
“Luke, what?”
“I’m just trying to figure out… I mean… Your sister said…”
“What the fuck is my sister doing talking about me?” she snapped.
“No, it helped. I mean, it pissed me off, but…” I was stammering and none of my thoughts were making it to the surface. “Are you still in love with me?”
“Is that what my sister said?”
