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CHAPTER ONE
Ostara 2016
Kelly watched the pack celebration, fighting the sweeping sense of sadness that wrapped around her. She watched Sara hand her son to one of his Fathers and effortlessly shift forms. It was the effortless part that caused a pang of envy. Shifting wasn’t as easy for Kelly as it had once been, and she was a naturally born lycan. Until recently Sara had been a full-blooded human, her conversion to one of their species was practically unheard of, and still caused a buzz within the pack.
Kelly caught the scent of the reason for her sadness. Ryan. Alpha of the Coldridge pack, and her mate. He walked among them, his power rolling off him in waves. She watched the unmated females devour him with their hungry looks. Jealousy and anger simmered in her belly, as he ate up the attention, they shamelessly lavished upon him.
He was an extremely attractive man; his dark hair curled in waves, though he tried to keep the curls tamed by keeping his hair short. He had a strong jawline and wide sensual mouth that set butterflies loose in her belly when he smiled. She had fantasized about kissing that mouth on several occasions, not that she’d admit that out loud.
She’d only ever seen one person with eyes like his. They were steel gray with glints that looked like sterling silver running in their depths. Flecks of charcoal black swirled there too, melting into the black pupil. Only Ryan’s twin brother had the same eyes. Although Jace’s were warm and more inviting than Ryan’s were.Could be because he didn’t reject you the way Ryan did.That mental reminder helped push back the desire that watching him had begun to stir to life. Kelly would be mortified if the pack smelled her lust for the alpha. She refused to fawn over him, falling all over herself in a bid for his attention the way that other women of the pack did.
She moved away from the crowd blending into the shadows as Ryan addressed the pack welcoming the spring and offering thanks for the new birth and renewal that would strengthen them in the coming year. She didn’t have the energy to socialize with anyone in the pack.
The women often sought her out, making Kelly wonder if it was her link to Ryan that they sensed, especially given that many of them were older than she was. That was the unique thing about shifters. Power was more respected than age, and power, or lack of it, was difficult to hide from other lycans.
Feeling like an outsider and unable to hide her pain, Kelly turned and left the clearing, instead of shifting with the pack and going for the group run and hunt.
Present Day
Kelly pulled herself out of the memories of that Ostara celebration. They still hurt but had been muted by the passage of time.
This year’s celebration was similar if more subdued than the one she’d been remembering. Sara’s baby, Adian, had been born that year and he’d been a true representation of everything they had been celebrating. His birth had brought joy to the pack, but he was the last baby born that year.
Since then, many women of the pack had suffered miscarriages, and even a few stillbirths, making it feel as though the Goddess they paid tribute to had abandoned the pack. Kelly knew it weighed heavily on Ryan.
He was the reason she had devoted her education and work to finding an answer for their growing fertility problems.
Even after all this time his rejection still stung, yet she felt compelled to try to ease his burden. She needed a purpose, something to help her maintain some semblance of sanity when the pain of his refusal became too great, and the jealousy too bitter. It was naive, but she clung to the idea of helping him that way, since he didn’t seem to want her any other way.
She lifted a hand to wipe away the single tear that escaped and rolled down her cheek. Her hand shook.
What had started as fine tremor years ago had developed into something more difficult to hide. Kelly clutched at her wrist, squeezing tight as she waited for the twitching to stop.
It was her proximity to Ryan. Her hormones refused to accept the fact that her mate didn’t want her. Even her mind still struggled with it some days. Her wolf gave a low whine. Kelly pushed her feelings deeper, trying to ignore the searing pain that burned in her belly.
RYAN DRANK FROM the blessing cup before handing it to Byron, his beta, scanning the group gathered in the clearing again. The pack had a lot to be thankful for this full moon. Their feud with the Yellow Claw pack had died out since the Yellow Claw’s had a change in their leadership. The new Alpha, Julian, seemed to be a calmer, even-keeled leader. With his progressive views he appeared to be helping the rest of the Yellow Claw pack work with the other lycan groups in their community, but it was a decades-long fight and Ryan knew change wouldn’t come instantly. The council was monitoring the situation carefully and he could only hope that the tentative peace that he and Julian were aiming for would last.
It helped that the Elders council they now had was more balanced and delivered fairer rulings across the board where the previous members had formed side alliances and voted according to those backroom deals, rather than doing what was best for the packs. That antiquated bullshit had stopped since his brother won his seat on the council.
Jace wasn’t technically an elder, but he’d proved he was powerful enough to hold a seat with them. Since that time, they were shifting how they were doing things, with the elders taking more of a back seat advisory role in most matters. They still oversaw the challenges for dominance and pack ranking and they upheld the rules of the lycan community, but they were less involved in the day-to-day decision making, giving each pack more autonomy.
The shakeup in power had a very positive impact for Ryan. It allowed his brother to come home and Ryan was more grateful than he could express. Jace challenging for a spot on the council had taken the two of them out of direct competition with each other for the spot of pack alpha. If Jace hadn’t won the seat, he would have been forced to stay away from the pack, to fight for the alpha position, or to accept a lower status so that Ryan could keep his leadership.
He looked around the clearing again. At first glance, nothing seemed wrong within the pack, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that clung to him like a second skin. It made his wolf pace like a caged animal inside him and left the human side of him feeling drained and wary.
He left Byron to oversee the rest of the celebration, unable to face the pack for a moment longer. He was itching to fight or fuck. Fighting wouldn’t do at an occasion like this. It was supposed to be a celebration filled with joy. And fucking? Well, he was tired of having female after female thrown at his feet in the hopes that they would make a strong political match among the packs. Each time he considered a new woman for his mate, his wolf asserted his dominance and rejected them.
At first, Ryan thought it was because he missed Hayley, but now he wasn’t certain. The scent of the woman he’d lived with, and thought he’d mated now irritated his wolf. Ryan cleaned out his home trying to appease the wolf but now the house just seemed empty, and his wolf wasn’t any happier.
He needed to get laid. It had been years since Hayley left him and although many thought he was getting more than his fair share of women now that she was gone, it couldn’t be farther from the truth. The packs were periodically sending their eligible women to test their compatibility, but the truth was he’d barely touched a woman since Kelly had left. It made having the high sex drive of a lycan a pain in the ass and left him in a perpetually bad mood.
Running his hands through his hair, Ryan cursed the heavy mantle he wore as the Alpha to the oldest and largest pack in North America. He wished that things could be different, that he wasn’t solely responsible for this pack. The job of Alpha didn’t work like that though. He was responsible. The success or failure of the pack rested solely on his shoulders.
Needing to relieve the tension coursing through him he stripped off his clothing and took himself in hand in a punishing grip trying to find a measure of peace.
CHAPTER TWO
Once home she curled up in bed, pulling the comforter around her shoulders. She hated the big pack gatherings, though that hadn’t always been the case. Growing up she’d loved them. They were like big parties once the ceremony and tradition of why they were gathering had been dealt with and was out of the way.
