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Sara kept looking at her, her expression searching. “I’m ok. I’m just not feeling very well.” When Sara showed sympathy instead of concern Kelly knew she still thought more like a human than a shifter. If she did, she’d be more concerned about why Kelly was ill than what she could do to help.
“Have you seen Jonas or the doctor?” Sara asked gently
Kelly nodded and made her way back over to the couch letting her body sink into the cushions. “I just need to get some sleep,” Kelly said in a way that was meant to get Sara to leave, but Sara smirked and came to sit next to her on the sofa.
“Jace sent me over here to check on you, I’m not supposed to say but I’m sure Ryan put him up to it.”
Kelly snorted before she could stop herself, and at Sara’s raised eyebrow she spoke. “He wouldn’t care enough to put his brother on my tail.” Kelly liked Sara. The pack hadn’t been particularly welcoming to a human when she’d first mated with Jace. Not even warming when she’d saved a group of their young from a fire. It was appalling to Sara that members of her pack hadn’t protected the children that they were blessed with, especially since the frequency of births seemed to be declining.
Sara hadn’t let their treatment deter her though. She hadn’t whined about their harsh treatment. She had an inner strength that was worthy of any alpha female. There were very few human mates, any records on them were closely guarded by the packs they had mated into.
Kelly suspected that it was Sara’s core of strength that had allowed her to shift, but without full access to the information kept quiet by the other packs she couldn’t know for sure. Sara had a clear blind spot though, if she believed Ryan was as noble as she made him out to be. Obviously, her mates had been feeding her a line of BS about their alpha.
“He’s your alpha Kelly, he cares.” Sara admonished gently.
“Sara, I know you mean well but you haven’t been with the pack that long, and your view is skewed.” Sara had been human when she met Jace and her mating with him and Caleb had happened quickly. No one expected a human to mate with not one but two wolves. They’d all been shocked when she shifted during her pregnancy. It had been unheard of. The pack had spent the year after her turning trying to discover if it was a result of the pregnancy, if Sara had Lycan roots in her family, or if there was another cause they hadn’t considered. Sara had been so busy with her new life as a mate that the enormity of being able to shift and what that might mean had faded into the background. But Kelly hadn’t forgotten, and she was still quietly researching what had happened, since the nagging feeling that they needed answers wouldn’t dissipate.
“What are you talking about?”
“You mated his brother. You bore a child for the pack when no other women have been able to do so. You were human and now you’re a wolf. You’ve pretty much sewn up the prize for the best wolf of the pack for years to come.” Kelly tried to keep the bitterness out of her tone. Her wolf ached for her mate though, and how warm and welcoming he’d been to his brother’s mate had been insulting. When he’d all but ignore his own and instead had chosen to warm his bed with other women.
“Things aren’t as rosy for me as you might think, Kelly,” Sara spoke softly but the pain of that one statement was evident.
“Sometimes being this now, being able to shift it feels unnatural.”
“Have you told anyone else about this?”
Sara shook her head, “No, I don’t want to worry the guys. We’ve all finally found a comfortable rhythm, and Jace has just stopped waking up in sweat worried that something or someone is going to try to harm me again. I don’t want to stir up trouble. Plus, we have been talking about trying to get pregnant again. They say there’s no pressure but I know Jace would like Caleb to be the biological father too.”
“Sara, you should tell them how you’re feeling if shifting feels wrong. They have a right to know, and it could be something that affects the pack. We don’t have the luxury of as much privacy as you are used to.”
Kelly felt like a hypocrite lecturing Sara for keeping secrets when she was keeping a huge one herself. Suddenly feeling shaky and weak she just wanted to lay down and forget about her problems.
“I don’t mean to be rude but I’m not feeling well I’d like to go back to bed.”
“I don’t like to see you hurting Kelly. You were the only one who was kind to me when I first mated into the pack. I’d like to think that we’re friends.” Kelly nodded, and Sara kept talking. “I hope you’d let me help you – if you needed it.”
***
Kelly fell asleep again after Sara left. She woke several hours later feeling as if her skin was on fire. Knowing it wouldn’t be long before her heat was fully upon her Kelly popped a couple of the heat suppressant pills into her mouth and dry swallowed them, grimacing as they stuck in the back of her throat.
The pills kicked in quickly. They spread through her body like a cooling balm, taking the biting edge from the raging heat. She was thankful that they did, since she was unwilling to go see Ryan with her heat riding her so hard. The thought of him knowing how much his presence affected her when he couldn’t say the same made her temper burn hot and fierce.
She made a conscious effort to gain control, knowing that strong emotions would only encourage the heat to return full force and to spread through her faster.
Kelly bundled up, thankful that the cool weather they were still having allowed her to wear the extra clothing. It would help hide the last of the bruising that was still fading from her skin and the layers of clothing, combined with the heat suppressant would help mask her remaining scent as long as she didn’t allow anyone to get too close to her.
She didn’t have to go far to find Ryan. He was reviewing pack finance in the large living area of the pack meeting hall. He was always here when he wasn’t way on business managing his tech firm. He was away less and less lately though, since his company practically ran itself. The man probably made money while he slept. Kelly snorted at the thought. She knew he worked hard for everything he’d achieved. It wasn’t easy holding the pack and keeping a solid job outside of the pack. A sense of pride began unfurling in her belly sending warmth radiating through her. She stomped it down before it could grow and knocked on the heavy wooden door peeking her head around the opening as she did so.
RYAN DIDN’T WANT to be disturbed. He had limited time to get the books in order before something else was needed or someone wanted his attention. There was always something. A growl died in the back of his throat leaving a tickle behind that made him clear his throat before speaking.
“Yes?’ he asked, looking up from the ledger on his desk. His anger faded when he saw Kelly standing in the doorway. “Did you need something, Kelly?” He didn’t intend for his voice to come out as gruff as it did. A good leader made time for his pack, and being a good leader was everything to him. It had been ever since he’d been forced to take over the pack early following his father’s accident, and seeing Kelly hurt brought how badly he’d let her down into sharp focus.
She cleared her throat; the sound was rough as if the very air she was breathing was being pulled from her lungs. He noticed that even though she entered the room she stayed close to the door keeping a healthy distance between them.Was she afraid of him?The thought made him ill. The last thing he wanted was to be the type of alpha whose respect came from others came through fear.
“I’m sorry to interrupt.” she cleared her throat again, her nerves getting the better of her.
“Whatever it is Kelly, just spit it out. I have other things I need to get done today.” He couldn’t keep the resigned tone out of his voice. He’d failed her and she was afraid of him. He could smell it coming off of her in thick waves even with the distance she’d put between them. He’d never meant to make her feel that way, but her presence was so unsettling that he preferred her at a distance.
