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“No. I won’t. I’ll never stop. I’m not going to allow your family to take you from me. I want you more than I care about your family’s opinions.”
My heart ached. “If it was just opinions I was worried about, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You’re not that naïve, Jay. You know what world we live in.”
“Then I’ll talk to them, man to man.”
He still wasn’t getting it.
“They won’t just talk,” I said. “Someone will get hurt.”
He lifted his chin. “It won’t be me.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this, Jay. It was fun while it lasted.”
My words seemed to make him even angrier. “Fun? Is that all it was to you? Don’t bullshit me, Ivy. I know we were more than that—wearemore than that. You’re important to me. Don’t try to act like this meant nothing.”
Of course it didn’t. Us being together had meant everything to me, but I was frightened about what lay ahead.
“I’m going to be late,” I said.
I tried to step past him, but he caught me by the arm and yanked me back again.
“Don’t do this, Ivy. Don’t leave me. I don’t want to go back to a life without you.”
I found myself pressed to his chest, the coffee I’d just bought dangerously squashed between us. My forearms pressed against his pectoral muscles as though I was trying to create a barrier between us. Being so physically close to him wavered my resolve. I burned for him. Did he understand this weakness? Was that why he’d come here instead of just trying to call or message me again?
Jay softened his tone. “We’ll just be more careful, baby. We can do that. We don’t have to stay in the city. We can go anywhere we want.”
“I have lectures. I can’t go anywhere I want. This is my final year, and I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“You can go places at the weekends, can’t you?”
I wanted it so badly, to be able to carry on seeing him. My entire being yearned for a way to make this work, but my head screamed at me to stop. This was a big mistake. I couldn’t make it work. It was impossible. Even if we managed to pull off the whole ‘only seeing each other at the weekends’ plan, how long could we make that last? At some point, we’d either get caught, or we’d have to break it off, or we’d have to come into the open about our relationship and deal with the fallout, whatever that may be. But still, the siren of finding a way to carry on seeing him sang to me.
“What if they follow me? They’re bound to get suspicious if I suddenly start going away every weekend.”
He stared at me, and I thought he was trying to come up with an excuse about why I’d be away all the time—a training course somewhere, perhaps, or a part-time job—but then he frowned and shook his head.
“Fuck it, that’s not going to work.”
Even though he was mimicking what I’d been thinking, that didn’t stop my stomach dropping. So, this was it then? We really were going to have to part ways.
But Jayden continued, “Weekends aren’t enough for me anyway. I want you all the time, Ivy. Every day. I can’t just have a taster of you for a couple of days a week. I’d end up living for only that time I spent with you. I want you in my bed every day, and I won’t be able to function without you.”
The knot in my stomach released. He wasn’t going to say this wasn’t going to work then? In some ways, perhaps it would be easier if he had, but now I knew we both felt the same way. I didn’t want to go days without seeing him either.
“What about if we get you a disguise?” he suggested. “An expensive wig and a pair of glasses?”
I laughed. “A disguise?”
But he wasn’t joking. “You can use the staff entrance at the rear of the hotel. It’s got a security code, but I’m happy for you to have it. You can come and go as you please and you’ll be less likely to be seen. Keep the wig and glasses in your bag and slip them on when you come to East London. No one will recognise you.”
I covered my face with my hand. “This is insane. You know that, right?”
“What can I say? I’m crazy about you. Maybe that’s made me a little insane.”
I suspected there was a good dose of craziness inside him well before I came along, but for some reason that only added to his appeal.
He grinned at me. “Now, what kind of wig do you want?”
