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Once again, we’re both silent. With anyone else, this would be awkward, but with Elliot, it feels simple, easy. I close my eyes and pretend he’s lying right beside me, rather than a long way away—in more ways than one.
I didn’t know one person could be both a salveanda sting.
Calmingandriotous.
Make you feel happyandheartbroken.
His breathing is rhythmic. Relaxing. Reassuring. I can rely on another one coming a few seconds after the last one has ended. I never think about inhaling and exhaling—it just happens. Some portion of my brain knows I need to pull in oxygen and send out carbon dioxide to survive. Just like a chamber of my heart—or maybe all four—decided to extend its list of essential functions to not just pumping blood, but also loving Elliot Reid.
I’m not sure how much time passes. A thousand seconds. Twenty minutes. Two hours.
There’s some muffled commotion on his end of the line. A clear “Reid!”
“I’ve got to go,” he tells me. “Oliver and Josh just showed up at the rink.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he echoes.
You can feel like you’ve told someone everythingandnothing at all.
The call ends.
My wet hair is no longer the only reason the pillowcase is damp.
PartFour
College
Auden
I hear my name being called and turn around in my desk chair just in time to see Sadie push my door open and stick her head in.
“You busy?” she asks.
“Just finishing a paper,” I respond.
“We’re leaving in forty-five minutes.” I glance at the clock, surprised to see it’s after five already. “Okay. I’ll be ready.”
“’Kay.” She smiles, then disappears. I type two more pages, then lean back in my chair to stretch and glance around my room. It’s half the size of my childhood bedroom but twice the size of the dorm room I lived in before I was accepted as a member of Alpha Pi Gamma.
I had absolutely no plans to join a sorority in college. I had no shortage of stereotypes in my head about it, but I met Sadie on the first day of the semester. We share an English class that fulfills one of Stanford’s general ed requirements, and I was immediately drawn to her bubbly, friendly personality. Enough so that I ventured to Greek Row on my first weekend on campus to a house party she invited me to. There was a lot less foam fights and lingerie on display than…Hollywood films, I guess, led me to believe.
When Sadie suggested I rush—and when I got a good look at the house—I decided why not? Two months into my first semester of college, here I am, moved in and pledged.
It’s nicer than Elliot’s place. Boston has dorms for its athletes, and only upperclassmen are allowed to live off campus. That’s basically been the extent of my discussions with him since he called me when I was in New York.
I know he’s busy with hockey—busier than ever. He’s got a new coach, new teammates, a new facility, a new city, and he’s in a new country. It’s a lot to take in. Butbefore…well, pick an event,any eventsince we met, pretty much…I have a feeling he’d have been texting me, making jokes about American customs, sharing stories about his teammates, and complaining about his classes.
He hasn’t been, and that’s partly on me. I asked for some space, and he’s respecting it. I was also sort of hoping he might miss me as much as I miss him. That doesn’t seem to be the case.
I spend another few minutes editing my essay but finally stop when I realize I’m simply rereading the same paragraph over and over again. I submit it then rise, stretching my arms over my head to relieve some of the tension that’s built from crouching over my laptop. After rummaging through my drawers, I change out of the soft sweatpants. The leisurewear gets swapped for a snug gray V-neck Cashmere sweater and a pair of black skinny jeans I have to wiggle my way into. I tug my hair out of the messy bun it’s in and grab my brush to smooth out the long, dark strands.
Before I leave my room, I type out a text to Elliot.
Auden:Good luck.
I grab my bag and head downstairs. It’s in complete chaos, which I’ve come to expect. Not all the sorority stereotypes are false.
