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“Hey, darling. I’ve done it. It’s all set!”
“What are you talking about? What have you done now?”
“I have gotten you a date!” I swear I hear Mom squeal. “Finally, I might see you with a girlfriend!”
It takes a moment for me to realize what she has just said. And it sounds ludicrous.
“What do you mean, you’ve gotten me a date? I didn’t ask for you to do that.”
Mom huffs.
“Well, when am I going to get any grandchildren? I’m not going to become a grandma if I don’t have any little kids running around.”
“If you wanted to become a grandmother, you should have had more children and not focus your efforts on me.”
“But I only needed one child. I wanted to focus my efforts on one child. I can’t bring myself to split my love between two children.”
I wonder if she’s heard herself lately. It just sounds awful, and it is giving me a headache.
“Well, if that’s the case, I’ll make sure - when I find someone I want to have a kid with - that I have just one kid. I can’t have you treating them differently if you’re unable to love more than one child at once.”
“Luke! Don’t talk like that! I’ve got plenty of love in me for lots of babies.”
“You’re not making any sense, Mom. And I haven’t got time to figure out what you really mean without getting a headache. I’ve got a plane to catch.”
“What?” Mom’s screech makes me wince. “You’re getting on a plane? Where?”
“I’ve got a business meeting in another state. Marcus and I are heading off shortly.”
“But…but I’ve told the woman that you’re looking forward to meeting her. You’re having dinner tonight.”
“I’m not going to be back for a few days.”
“That’s unacceptable!” Mom complains. “You have to come back, otherwise I’m going to look stupid!”
I sigh. This is not what I want to deal with today.
“Mom, the reason you’re going to look stupid is because you chose to set up a blind date without checking with me first.”
“Well, the last time I tried to do that, you outright refused.” Mom huffs. “I should have said it was dinner with your father and I instead. Then we could have gotten you in the door before you realized what was going on.”
“Does this mean Dad was in on this as well?”
“He knows his place, and he knows you need to think about settling down.”
I doubt it. Dad and I are close, and he is content with me doing what I want. It’s my life and not something for him to dictate. Dad respects that. Unfortunately, Mom doesn’t.
“Look, Mom, you need to stop doing this. You’ve done this before, and it’s not worked. Why do you keep setting me up without my consent?”
“I told you! You need to find a wife and have children! I want to be a grandmother!”
She is starting to sound like a child now.
“Like I said, if you wanted to be a grandmother, you should have had more children instead of putting the pressure on me. You did this to me last minute, again, and I have no intention of going on any sort of date. Again. Knowing the women you pick out, we wouldn’t be a match, anyway.”
“Oh, but you would! This girl is very suitable for you. Just what you need.”
“I’m a grown man, Mom! This has to stop!”
