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“You think I feel guilty for blaming him from the beginning.”
“No, I think you feel guilty for not trusting him and for not confronting him. You put your head in the sand, ignoring what was happening, and then when you realized the attempts were real, you didn’t trust yourself to believe him had he denied it. You feel guilty of not trusting yourself and not trusting him. And that, my dear sister, is just stupid.”
“I didn’t trust him. I never gave him the benefit of the doubt. And you’re right... I didn’t trust myself to believe him if he said it wasn’t him trying to kill me. In the end, it wasn’t love that failed... It was trust. He didn’t trust me either if he thought I tried to kill him. How do you love someone you don’t trust?”
“But it wasn’t that you didn’t trust him... You didn’t trust yourself. That, Gwen, is what you have to do.”
“What?”
“Forgive yourself, and trust that what you two had, and could have again, is worth fighting for.”
Voodoo ran her finger along the pattern of the marble at her kitchen island, wondering if Daisy was correct. In the end, she didn’t need to forgive Carter. He’d done nothing wrong and had spent the last five years trying to find her. He’d demonstrated his love and forgiveness, but she was holding on to what? Resentment? Pride? Anger? Why would she want to keep those in the forefront of her life? She didn’t. She also didn’t want to live a solitary life. She wanted more.
“You’re right. It’s not Carter, it’s me. How do I tell him that... without him thinking I’m breaking up with him?”
“Breaking up? Girl, you ran from him, changed your name, and your occupation. You broke up with him five years ago. I think you have to talk to him, just like you and I are. This is something you two can work on together, but ultimately, Gwen, you will have to make a decision.”
“What decision?”
“Ugh, you’re killing me, Gwen. Decide to forgive or not forgive. Love or not love. Trust or not trust. At this point, Carter’s let everything rest with you. You are calling the shots, and he’s not going to push you. But is that the right thing to do? I don’t know... You will have to decide. You keep saying you’re not Gwen anymore, that you’re stronger and more comfortable with yourself. Honestly, I didn’t believe you. How could you have changed so much? Well, now I agree, and I want Voodoo back. She wouldn’t be indecisive. She wouldn’t be second-guessing every word or thought. Voodoo would spike his drink and marry him again in Vegas. Gwen wants to do scientific calculations on whether to kiss him or not.”
“Wow! Just throw it all out there, why don’t you?”
“Hey, I’m just the parrot who’s repeating every stupid thing you’ve said, little sister.”
“I am the oldest.”
“You know I don’t believe that. When we were born, how do you know they didn’t mix us up? I believe I was born first, and they just confused our names.”
“Right. I have a lot to think about. Thanks for listening to me whine. Really, though, how is London? Do you like Ryan?”
“Yeah, he’s alright. Hey, I’ve got to go. A little chipmunk just stepped into my office.”
“Tell Sophie hi. I’ll call you next week.”
“Hopefully, I get Voodoo and not Gwen.”
After the call disconnected, she really thought about her sister’s words. For all her bolstering, it really was on her to fix things if she wanted a life with Carter.
Yes, you want a life with him.
Pulling out her cell phone, she sent Carter a quick text.
‘Change of plans... dinner at my place tomorrow night.’
‘What should I bring?’
‘Your toothbrush.’
Voodoo was back!
CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
Voodoo opened her front door and chuckled when Carter handed her a new toothbrush wrapped in ribbons and bows.
“I didn’t want to bring you flowers. I remember how much you hate cutting flowers for a day or two of beauty.”
Moving aside, Voodoo let Carter in. She closed her eyes as he passed by. The faint smell of his cologne was so familiar she leaned against the door after she closed it. She hadn’t realized Carter had moved closer until she felt his large hand touch her hip bone.
