Page 26 of Crushed

After letting out a frustrated sigh, a thought popped into my head.

Mrs. McKinney had said that Sawyer was heading out of town after making a stop somewhere else. I thought for a few moments about that.

It didn’t take me very long to figure out exactly where Sawyer would have gone. There were two options. I hoped I picked the right one.

SIX

Sawyer

It was time to go.

With the exception of being able to spend some much-needed time with my mom, I had to admit that this trip had been a very bad idea.

Granted, it wasn’t exactly a planned trip, which might have been part of the reason for that. But the truth was that this trip had cost me.

And though that cost had nothing to do with money, it was fair to say that the outcome was far more devastating than if it had been.

I’d lost entirely too much by coming home to Steel Ridge, and I was convinced that if I stuck around any longer, I’d only lose more.

I wasn’t sure I was willing to pay the price.

This might have been about survival for me at the beginning, but at some point, my dignity had to factor in.

So, after spending the last two days with my mom, I decided it was time to go. The only problem was that I wasn’t quite sure yet where my travels were going to take me.

As far as my mom knew, I was heading back to Maryland. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth, and I felt extremely guilty for hiding it. But I wanted to protect her from it, knowing that I was already panicked enough about it for the both of us.

The bottom line was, I didn’t want to go back to Maryland, because I wouldn’t trust that I would be safe from harm. If I had said something to my mom about it, she would have urged me to stay.

The problem with that would have been that I would have seriously considered doing that if I’d shared with her everything that had brought me here before I had my horrific and embarrassing encounter with Jesse.

Now, staying in Steel Ridge where there was a chance I could run into him, or anyone else who hated me, would just be too difficult.

So, I was leaving, even if I had no idea where I was going to go just yet.

But before I got myself on the road, I needed to make one final stop. Last night, as I struggled to find sleep, I’d battled a bit with myself about what to do, and I came to the conclusion that I not only wanted but also needed to go to one of two places before heading out of town.

My options were the quarry where my friends had died or the cemetery where their three bodies had been laid to rest.

I had seriously considered going to the quarry, but between the cold weather—Steel Ridge had already gotten some snow this winter—and the painful memories, I wasn’t quite sure it was a wise idea.

That was why I was now at the cemetery.

The last time I’d been here was the day of Faye’s funeral. Truth be told, it was much more difficult to be here again than I had anticipated. For so many years, I’d struggled with all that had happened that day at the quarry. I’d had days where everything seemed to be going fine, and suddenly, all the memories would come back and smack me in the face. The cliff giving out from underneath Janelle, her body hitting the rocky face of the cliff on the way down, and the sounds of Faye and Cristina screaming before the only thing filling the air around me was the horror in my screams or the voice in my head that had been pleading for them to be okay.

In the end, the reality of the situation—my three best friends were dead—would hit me all over again, and it was almost as if I was suffering the loss of them once more.

Over time, things got easier. I had assumed it was because that’s just what happened. People died, and the rest of us grieved before we finally had to pick ourselves up and move on.

But sitting here in front of Faye’s headstone at this very moment, the cold ground beneath my body, I realized that wasn’t what happened with me.

Nope.

Being here now felt very much like it did twelve years ago. The painful burn in my chest returned with a vengeance. Tears filled my eyes and an uncomfortable lump had formed in my throat.

The memory of the day at the quarry was hitting me full force, and I could only bring myself to apologize. “I’m so sorry, Faye,” I rasped. “I’m sorry about what happened, and I’m sorry this is the first time I’ve been back to see you. I miss you so much.”

Faye didn’t respond.

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