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I looked around the living room. I was asking about all of this. The move. The house. The new friends.
She pulled my hand from my mouth and clutched it between hers in her lap and answered that question the way she always did. “We’re gonna be okay, Mom.”
And just like that, we were home.
Iwatched as my whole heart walked into her new high school and I wanted to jump out of the truck and run after her. Not because I wanted to go back to high school. Because I definitely didn’t want to do that. It had sucked enough the first time. But because I couldn’t protect her there when she was away from me. It worried me to no end.
Instead, I sat in my truck and watched her walk away like the good mom I was supposed to be. She was wearing her favorite outfit, a black shirt with a white skull on it, a pleated plaid miniskirt, some fishnet stockings, and her Docs. My kid wasn’t traditional in any sense of the word with her wardrobe, but I found that it didn’t bother me a bit. I wanted her to be her true self, skulls, chunky boots, and all.
A car horn honked behind me and I jumped into action, realizing I was holding up the entire carpool line watching my junior walk in. Yeah, I was pretty much a nutjob.
I put my husband’s old, blue, beater truck into drive and pulled out of the school, making a conscious decision not to worry about Parker today. That she’d be fine. She could handle herself. She was way more badass than me.
As I pulled out onto the street, my phone started ringing, so I brought it to my ear and tried to find a place to pull over.
“Hey, Miranda,” I answered cautiously, as I pulled off into a neighborhood and parked. She hardly ever called me just to check in. What she usually phoned me for was when she wanted to come over and bring me food or unpack something. Not that I didn’t want to see her, just that I felt bad about her always doing things for me.
We’d only been here two weeks, but she’d tried to insert herself into our lives as much as possible.
Plus, it seemed like the girl was insistent on us being besties and I didn’t do best friends. My best friend was dead.
“Hey, girl. What are you up to today? Did you get Parker to school? How was she?” she asked very quickly and then it made all the sense in the world why she was calling.
She was checking up on me more than Parker. It was sweet. Damn if the woman wasn’t giving it her all wearing me down.
“I’m just going to a hair salon to see if they are hiring. This morning went great. She seemed to be in good spirits. Now me? That’s a whole other story.” I followed it up with a laugh so she wouldn’t think I was crazy.
I was totally crazy. And mostly thinking about turning the truck around and going back to the school for my kid.
But I could pretend and play it off like the best. I was a professional bullshitter if you will.
“Ah, I’m so glad she was excited for her first day.” There was a bit of an awkward pause before she continued. “Would you like to come here after your interview and have a cup of coffee with me?”
God, she was cute and precious. No wonder Holden was head over heels for her. No matter how standoffish I was, she couldn’t and wouldn’t be stopped.
And because I didn’t want to be rude, I acquiesced. “Yeah, I can stop by for a bit.” I threw a little enthusiasm into my voice so I didn’t sound like an asshole. “That would be awesome.”
“Great!” The relief in her voice was palatable, and I felt bad knowing maybe I hadn’t been the most open and nicest to her when she’d been nothing but welcoming.
I’d tried, but I was still only me and I knew I was socially inept, to say the least.
But I didn’t like letting people in. Because when you did, you ran the risk of them disappointing you or even worse, leaving you. And in my experience, most people eventually did one of those two things.
“Just text me when you’re on the way,” she continued. “And I’ll make sure Holden isn’t running around the place in the nude.” She let out a nervous giggle and I couldn’t help but smile.
I imagined that Holden did indeed run around their place naked. I also imagined it was probably a sight to behold. The man ate his Wheaties.
“Will do,” I said, pulling the truck back on the road to head to the salon.
“Okay, bye,” she sang sweetly.
“Wait, Miranda,” I said quickly before she could hang up. I let out a long breath because this shit was hard for me.
“Yeah?” she breathed cautiously.
“Thanks for calling,” I answered. “It means a lot.” I swallowed the golf ball of nerves in my throat.
For some reason, being vulnerable was the absolute worst thing ever for me. But I needed to thank her for checking on me. She somehow knew today would be hard, dropping Parker off. She knew I’d probably need a friend.
