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And I wanted to get right back up. But I didn’t. I plastered a fake smile on my face. “I gave you his number. You said you messaged him to say thank you already.”
“I know,” she said, pursing her lips. “But I want to do something else. He was so good to me that day. He and all of his buddies at Station Nine were so amazing to all of my friends, too. I want to do something nice for them.”
I swallowed hard. I wasn’t ready for that. I hadn’t even spoken to West in two days since the accident. He’d texted and called, but I’d been avoiding him. I eyed the flowers sitting on the fireplace mantel that he’d sent to Parker the day of her surgery.
They were gorgeous and sweet, and my girl loved them. They had made her day and that was great. But Weston and I were over.
I felt sick over it. Devastated. I tried my hardest to put it out of my mind. To think of all I had to do for Parker.
I didn’t know how to tell Parker yet. I could never be with him. Not after knowing what I did. Not after him keeping it from me, too.
“I think maybe we should take some cookies or dinner or something to the station. I bet they don’t get a lot of good meals,” she said, excitement shining in her eyes for the first time in days.
I shrugged. “I don’t know, honey. I think we ought to just let them do their job. I’m pretty sure they cook their own food there and stuff.”
I had no idea what the hell I was talking about. I knew absolutely nothing about what firemen did at their place of work.
The only thing I knew for sure was that they put their lives on the line every damn day and I couldn’t deal with that. Nope.
Me and Parker were never doing that again.
We weren’t in the business of burying any more people we loved. We were all tapped the fuck out.
“Oh, I know! You could go by that pizza place downtown by your work. It’s so good and they have brownies, too. A few pizzas and brownies would be good, right?”
Shit. She wasn’t going to let me out of this. No way, no how. I fidgeted with the decorative pillow next to me while I tried to come up with a reason why I couldn’t go to that firehouse.
“You could do it today, Mom. On your way home from work. That would be perfect. West said he was working tonight.”
I bit my lip, angry at myself for giving Parker his number because I’d been too chicken shit to call him myself and thank him and let her talk to him.
Now she knew his whole damn schedule and here I was still in the dark. Just like I had been for weeks.
And hell if I didn’t miss him. The last two days had been miserable. I’d been worried about Parker and I’d gone through it all alone. But that had been my choice because it wasn’t like Weston hadn’t called. Hadn’t texted. Hadn’t tried.
But it didn’t matter how much I missed him. His job. That had sealed the deal. That navy blue Columbia Fire Department shirt had changed everything. Whether me and Weston liked it or not.
“What if we wait until you feel better and can take the food yourself?” I asked, trying to buy some time because I was still chicken shit.
She rolled her eyes at me. “Mom, we both know I can’t move from this couch for the next few days and it’s going to be even longer until I can be up and walking without crutches,” she whined and I felt guilty. She was trying to do something nice for the people who had helped her.
I’d raised her to be that kind of human, so now I had to suffer the consequences and do the right thing.
Besides, it was probably time that I finally talked to Weston, even if I didn’t want to.
“Okay,” I said, finally agreeing with her. “I’ll go by after work. Are you sure you’re going to be okay today while I’m gone? I’ll be even longer if I have to head downtown.”
I’d only planned to go in for three clients to try and catch up a bit, but if I was going to be hitting up a restaurant and going downtown, I’d be much longer and I didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone that long.
“Oh my God, Mom. I’ll be fine. I swear. As long as you leave me some snacks and we go pee before you leave, I should be good.”
Okay. It was time to pull up my big girl panties and face the music.
Before I left for work, I made sure to call the pizza place and order the food to be picked up around six when I would be done. I got Parker situated and headed out full of trepidation and not just because I was leaving her for a few hours.
It was Weston. My stomach was in knots the whole shift I worked and that stupid police scanner whirring and beeping with random people talking only sent my anxiety higher. Because I found myself listening to it for Weston’s station.
I remembered a few weeks ago when I’d felt sorry for Selena and said it could never be me.
