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“I will.”
There’s a moment of awkward silence and I hold my breath because I know what’s coming. I can feel it. Tension wraps around me and I close my eyes again, praying that he doesn’t bring it up.
“How are you dealing with everything else?” he asks me apprenhensively and I take a shaky breath in.
“Alright,” I lie.
“Yeah?” he asks and I can tell that he doesn’t believe me.
“Not really. Everyone around here thinks that I’m some kind of hero. I can’t stand it when they bring it up or God, when they congratulate me,” I grit out.
Anxiety builds inside of me. Is he going to be mad that I’m treated like some war hero when that’s just not true?
“You are a hero, Jonah,” Reyes says quietly and my breath stalls out in my lungs.
“No, I’m not. Smith, Maxwell, Tobinas, they’re all dead. I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t save any of them,” I choke out.
“You saved me.”
I don’t know what to say back to that and I don’t want to speak. I’m too afraid that I’ll start crying.
“That’s why I was calling actually. I never got to thank you.”
“You don’t have to—” I start but he cuts me off.
“Yes, I do. You saved my life, Jonah. Thank you. That day… it was bad. It was really bad… but it could have been worse.”
We’re both silent, each of us lost in our own memories of that day. I wipe a tear from my cheek as I think about the friends that I lost that.
“I’ve got to get back to work, but I’m here if you ever want to talk,” he says.
I nod even though he can’t see me. It still feels like there’s a lump in my throat but I try to clear it.
“Yeah. You too,” I add.
“I’ll talk to you later, man.”
“See you.”
We hang up and I sit there, staring at the wall. I need to get myself back under control. I need to get my emotions back into the box that I try to keep them in before anyone can see that something is wrong.
I close my eyes, picturing Mabel’s smiling face. I wonder if her hair is tied up or loose around her shoulders. I wonder if she’s waiting on me.
I open my eyes, hurrying to shove my feet into my shoes and get out the door. Ledger and Tilly are both in his office and I sneak past the open doorway. I don’t want them to see my red eyes and ask what’s wrong.
I climb into my car and head toward Mabel’s apartment.
Maybe Reyes calling today was a sign. I don’t want to talk about that day, but it’s time that Mabel knew.
I just hope that she can look at me the same way once she does.
NINE
Mabel
Jonah has been actingweird since he got to my place a few minutes ago. I had been prepared for him to jump me as soon as he walked through the door, but instead, he’s been distant and distracted.
It’s obvious that something is going on with him, that he’s on edge and that puts me on edge.
