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“I have to. Matt—”
“No me dejes amor, te quiero tan mala.”
She didn’t know exactly what he said.
“I can’t have people finding out about this,” she told him.
He tensed. And she knew then that someone else knew about her and Matt.
Shit.
Shit shit shit!
“Who?”
“It’s not important.”
“Dammit, Matt—”
“I’m not going to lose you over a rumor,” he said.
“For godsakes, don’t let it be easy for them!” She got up and slipped out of his arms. She was cold.
“Don’t walk away, Kara. We’re good together. You know it, we both know it.”
She didn’t know what to think anymore. Her life felt like it was in limbo. She didn’t know which end was up. She was drunk, but she wasn’t stupid. She couldn’t blow up her life.
Matt stood, walked over to her, kissed the back of her neck.
She closed her eyes. She didn’t want it to end, either. But she didn’t think she really had a choice, not anymore.
She turned and looked at him. Something shifted. She couldn’t describe it, couldn’t put words to these strange feelings, so unnatural for her. Why couldn’t she have everything she wanted? Dammit,why?
She kissed him, and almost cried. Because she didn’t want to pull away. She didn’t want to go to bed alone. She didn’t want to leave him.
But she did. She walked into the house, leaving Matt alone on the porch.
FRIDAY
38
Catherine had no idea what she was going to do with Matt.
She packed her clothes and toiletries as she finished getting ready to leave. Ryder had moved mountains to get her on a flight all the way to Philadelphia—a short flight to Seattle, then direct across the country. She wasn’t going to miss Beth’s memorial. She had more important things to focus on other than Matt and his task force. Like her determination to repair her marriage to Chris. Her realization that she needed to be a mother, a full and engaged mother, to her amazing daughter. The last year had been hell on her, but it had also been hell on her familybecauseshe hadn’t been able to face her grief.
Yet Catherine missed her sister Beth something fierce. The pain and emptiness were always there, a pit in her heart, and she didn’t know how to fix that.
Chris had been right about one thing: Catherine still blamed Matt for not loving Beth. Catherine had held it against Matt for a long time. She purposefully hurt him because he had hurt her.
She had planned to skip Beth’s memorial because of her mother. Catherine avoided the woman who had birthed her as much as possible. But now Catherine had decided to go for herself. For Chris and Lizzy and Beth. To finally put it behind her.
She had to face her grief if she was truly going to regain her life and have a future.
She picked up her suitcase, took a last look around the room to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything, then left. She said goodbye to Ryder, who was in the kitchen. He was an asset to the team, and someone Matt could rely on. Smart, diligent, and a team player.
Everyone else was likely still sleeping—yesterday had been long and difficult.
She stepped out onto the porch to wait for Matt, who would be driving her to the small Friday Harbor airport.
