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“Kara, dammit, you are a crucial part of my team. You’re an asset.”
“I know. That’s not what I meant.”
“Then just tell me! You’re not one to talk around things. Be straight with me.”
“I want to be on this team. I’m good on this team.”I need this team.
“Oh. Well, good. Then I don’t see the problem.”
“You’re being deliberately blind, Matt. If Catherine figured out we’re bed buddies, the rest of the team will, too.”
“Bed buddies? Really?” He stood up and walked to the railing. She’d made him angry.
“That’s what we agreed to,” she said. “Sex is a necessary release, especially with our jobs.”
“A release,” he said flatly.
“You know what I mean.”
He turned and faced her. She couldn’t really see him well in the near-dark. She’d turned the porch light off earlier so she wasn’t on display for the neighbors. But now she wished she could read his expression.
“I want to be on this team,” she said clearly, hoping Matt would understand. “And if our involvement gets out, Tony will cut me loose. I have nowhere else to go.” Her voice cracked and she didn’t know why. Why was she getting emotional about this? About losing everything...about losing her job, her career...
Losing Matt.
She didn’t know what they had, but it was much easier to push it aside than give up her last chance of being a cop.
“Kara, you’re not going to be dropped from this team. I won’t let it happen.”
“You might not have a choice.”
“And,” he continued as if she hadn’t spoken, “I’m not giving you up.”
“It’s not your decision.”
“Oh? I’ve let you direct this relationship for the last four months. I played by your rules. I pretended I was okay with this whole friends-with-benefits bullshit. I’m not. Because this—whatever we have—is more than sex, and it’s more than friendship. You’re not so jaded that you can’t see that.”
“Then it’s worse. Because romantic relationships screw everything up, especially on the job.”
“How? I didn’t want you going to confront Marcy because I was worried about your physical safety, but I knew you were the best person for the job, the only one who had a chance of ending the hostage situation without innocent people—an innocent child—dying. And you did it. Yes, I worry about you—I worry about everyone on my team. I worry about Michael because even though he’s well trained and disciplined, he takes risks because he’s braver than anyone I know. But that’s what leaders do—anytime we send a team into the field, they could end up injured or dead. But I would never shelter you, put you in a protective box. I respect you far too much. I care about you far too much.”
He stopped talking. Matt turned to face the water again.
Kara stared at his back, and the sky lit up behind him as the fireworks show started.
Deep down where the darkness lurked, she knew they couldn’t sustain this. Kara wasn’t a normal person. And which part of her did Matt care about? Because she didn’t even know who she really was. She had never known.
But for the first time, there was a small nugget of hope buried deep inside, a nugget that began to shine a light in the darkness. Maybe it had always been there. Kara wasn’t going to examine it too closely. She would shelter it, nurture it. Maybe someday it would grow.
She stood up and walked over to Matt. She was making a huge mistake, but that burn deep down told her to shut up. To just let it ride.
To trust Matt. To trust that she would still have this job...and him.
She stood next to him, watched the fireworks.
“One day at a time, Matt. Okay?”
He took her hand, looked down at her. She saw something in his expression she wanted to dismiss to the shadows and light from the celebration over the water. But what she saw told her that he’d meant everything that he said.
