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“I have business back in London,” was all he said, barely looking up from his phone. So, just like that, we packed and flew back early. Now, we’re in the car driving back from the airfield, and I still can’t figure out what’s going on.
But from the tense vibes that Sebastian is radiating in my direction, it’s clear our brief vacation from reality is over, and we’re back to secrets and suspicion again.
“It looks like it’s going to rain today,” I say blandly, looking out at the cloudy London skies. The weather is a lame attempt to start a conversation, but I don’t know what else to say.
‘What’s wrong?’ ‘Why have you shut me out all over again?’ ‘I like the man I saw in Italy, what happened to him?’
But I can’t ask those questions, and Sebastian keeps scrolling on his phone. Too soon, we’re pulling down his street.
“Do you have to get straight to the office?” I ask.
He nods. “Work is crazy. I don’t know when I’ll be home.”
“Maybe we could make reservations, for a late dinner?” I suggest, trying again. “Not Italian though,” I crack. “I’m not sure anything could live up to Bianca’s cooking. She’s ruined me for all Italian restaurants here in town.”
I smile at him, friendly. Sebastian’s expression remains stony.
“I told you, I have to work late,” he says, sounding impatient. “Order whatever you like for dinner. Don’t wait up for me.”
The car comes to a stop, and he looks at me expectantly. “Oh,” I swallow hard, realizing he’s waiting for me to get out and leave him. “You’re going straight in? Don’t you want to shower and change first?”
“I can do that at the office.”
“Right. Of course,” I reply quietly. “Have a good day, then.”
I get out of the car, and the driver brings around my bags, before driving away again. I watch the car go, feeling totally confused.
Did I do something wrong?
“Welcome home.”
I spin around. It’s the house manager, waiting patiently on the front steps. “Leon, hi, you startled me.”
“Good trip?” he asks, as he takes my bags in.
“Great,” I say brightly. And it isn’t even a lie. Everything save the past four hours as blissful.
It’s just the present, right now, that’s confusing me so much.
“Do you want lunch?” he asks. “I can fix something.”
I shake my head. “Thanks, but I’ve been cooped up all morning with travel. I think I’ll take a run and stretch my legs.”
“Suit yourself,” he gives a shrug, and disappears back towards the kitchen – where I’m pretty sure I can hear some kind of sports playing on the TV.
At least he knows how to entertain himself, waiting around for Sebastian to arrive home. Me? I should be used to it by now, but as I change into some workout gear, and hit the road, my sneakers pounding the pavements, I realize, I’m feeling strangely at a loss.
I thought something had really changed between us.
I run harder, pushing my body, as my mind struggles to process everything that’s happened over the past few days. I really thought I’d seen a glimpse of the real Sebastian in Italy, that there was more to him than the cold, heartless monster I’d taken him to be.
He was warmer. Relaxed. Kind-hearted. The kind of man I could actually care about. And meeting Bianca and his other friends, I really saw a different side to him. Felt a difference in the way he looked at me, how he made love to me.
At least, I thought I did.
But now… I don’t know what happened, or where I stand.
I pause for breath, panting. Maybe Sebastian is just stressed by some emergency at the office. Maybe this has no connection to the two of us.
