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“I learned something in that moment. I do not want to sacrifice my own integrity for a few kisses or a handsome face. It is not worth it.” I raised my head and looked at her steadily. “I had it right from the beginning. I have a duty to my gift, and it brings me more joy than any gentleman could ever do.”
She swallowed and smiled tremulously. “Brava, Elizabeth.”
After the rush of standing my ground faded, I sank a little into my seat. “There is the problem of Mr. Darcy knowing my secret now.”
“I do not think he would tell. Especially now that he knows you are not lying.”
I took a deep breath. “We shall see. I cannot fret about it anymore today. I will go lie down for a time.” I stood and kissed my aunt’s cheek, then made my way upstairs to my bed. I would think about Mr. Darcy another time. Now, I needed to sleep.
I slept straight through dinner and into the next morning. I sipped a cup of tea near the window as I prepared myself for the day. Yesterday had been eventful—too eventful—and I needed to take steps to ensure it did not happen again. I might remove myself to the Gardiners’ home. I had not stayed with them in over a year. I would not see Mr. Darcy from there and I could still enjoy London. Perhaps when I reached my majority in summer, I would hire a companion and move to my aunt’s estate in Somerset. Perhaps Charlotte would like to accompany me. We could be very happy, she and I. And I trusted her with my life, which was more than I could say of my errant suitor.
Sighing, I settled into a chair and tended to my correspondence. Jane wrote to say Mr. Bingley was calling every day and she was deliriously happy. Mrs. Hurst had felt the quickening and let it be known she was with child, and they would stay at Netherfield until the birth.
There was a letter from Mary telling me all the neighborhood goings on, and Jack had added a bit to the end. I eagerly tore into the letter from my mother. I had not heard from her since I left and it was unusual for us to go so long without talking.
She chastised me for not telling her what had happened and hoped I had achieved my aims. We had learned long ago not to tell details in letters lest they fall into the wrong hands. Finally, she spoke of Robin and Henry and what we had recently learned of them.
…They were quite receptive of the experiment. I think you had the right of it. Henry is sensitive to feelings, and Robin to energy, or perhaps it is motive? It is hard to be certain. Either way, we were walking in Meryton on the way to my sister’s house when a group of officers stopped to greet us. Jack was enamored of their uniforms, but R and H looked positively ill. I quickly removed them and R told me one of the men was very dark. When I asked what he meant, he said it was like a black cloud around him, and it made him feel ill. H said something similar, only he called it evil.
I was very disturbed, and I have discussed it with your father. He was less skeptical than the first time he was made aware of such things, and we have agreed not to allow any officers at Longbourn. Your sisters have been warned off them, and I told your Aunt P. to be careful…
How interesting! If Robin and Henry could sense intent and feelings, they would have an advantage in life. Especially if they were to go into business. I had heard enough from my uncle Gardiner to know that studying one’s opponent was an important part of doing business.
There was one more letter on the salver. I did not recognize the hand and the seal was not familiar. I scanned to the bottom and saw it was from Mr. Darcy. I dropped the letter, sitting back in surprise. He wrote to me? Why would he do such a thing? If anyone were to find out, it could be scandalous. And what did he wish to say?
I took a deep breath to calm my heart and picked up the paper again.
My Dear Miss Bennet,
I must apologize for being an unmitigated ass. You trusted me with a confidence, and like a brute, I did not value that trust and insulted you terribly. I do not deserve forgiveness, but I am begging for it anyway.
You should know you have a staunch supporter in my cousin the colonel. He spent no less than half an hour telling me how ridiculous and terrible I am and that I do not deserve you. He is correct, of course.
You shared something extraordinary with me, and I reacted badly. Allow me to say now what I should have said then.
Miss Bennet, you are a wonder. I am in awe of what you do and the grace with which you do it. Your bravery is astounding.
You performed a great service for my family and if they knew of it, you would have more than my gratitude to contend with. From the deepest parts of me, I thank you. You have given me a gift I can never repay, and it is only while writing this that I realize that was likely the reason you came to London at all. You saw me in distress, and like the true friend you are, you worked to alleviate it.
Thank you. Richard is a beloved cousin and I do not know what I would have done without him.
I want you to know I have learned something from all of this. I thought myself intelligent, clever, at least more so than most. I thought there was little to know that I was not already aware of. You have destroyed every preconception, every arrogant assumption. You have shown me my own insignificance, and while it smarts, it is a necessary lesson.
By you, I have been properly humbled. You trusted me so sweetly in the garden, and I repaid that trust with derision and disbelief.
By any chance, can you repair stupidity? For I have run off the only woman I have ever cared for, and it is no one’s fault but my own.
I will not bother you by chasing after you and begging, though I might wish to. I will leave you in peace. However, should you ever decide I am worth the trouble, I would be grateful and honored, and I promise to never make such an egregious error again, though I will likely exhibit my stupidity in other ways. If you can find it in you to be patient with me, my love, I am yours for the taking.
If you happen to find yourself in need, no matter what it is, every resource available to me is now available to you. Say the word, and I will be at your side in an instant. God bless you, Elizabeth.
Your Servant,
Fitzwilliam Darcy
I set the letter down and stared out the window. How was I to respond to such a thing?
Darcy
