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I realize I haven’t lived my life with the best of morals. At any point in the last twenty-two years I could’ve stepped away from the life my mother created and done something more with myself. I guess that’s what I was trying to do with nursing school, but I let Kemp get in the way. I let everything get in the way, like it was in my DNA. It’s funny how that works, isn’t it? How your mother’s addiction to love and attention can become your own? Or how your father leaving when you were a child can make you crave affection from men like a love starved puppy.
I sink into the tidal pool and lean my head against the lava rock behind me. It’s crystal-clear water, but the surf has been pulling in bubbles that cloud its clarity. Still though, it’s a nice, sheltered place to relax. The rock walls keep any bigger fish from swimming in and the waves aren’t constantly knocking me over. Taking a deep breath, I try to let the stress of the day melt away, but the only picture that comes to my mind is the satisfied grin on Kemp’s face as he spun me in circles in the sand. There’s no doubt in my mind now, he followed me here. I only wished I’d have asked Jane how he got onto the show when the guys had her between two rocks earlier this morning.
“Room for one more?” Brad asks, wearing tight boxer briefs that show nearly every inch of his thick bulge. I should say no. Whenever I’m with him, I crave his touch and I’m not sure I should be right now, not after the day we had.
“Are you sure you want to be around me? I’m in a terrible headspace.”
He doesn’t hesitate and makes his way to my side, putting his arm around me, immediately pulling me into his chest. “You’ve already been alone too long. Sorry it took so long to get down here. Colin and I were having a talk.”
Shit.I’m sure Colin has told him all about our kiss and this is the part where Brad lets me down gently. Maybe Zane even got a few words in. I don’t know for sure, but the way he rubbed against me last night, he had to know what he was doing. He had to know he was making me come.
God, just the thought of it sends another shiver up my spine.
“What about?” I ask, my voice trembling.
“Just this and that, mostly you. We want to protect you, Sara, but we have to know what is going on. You can’t do this alo—”
“I know I’m not alone,” I say, trying to brush him off. It’s not that I don’t want to have the conversation, I just don’t want to have it now. There’s at least one camera in the palm to the left of us, and we still have these mics attached to our necks. I don’t need the whole world knowing every bit of my business. Though, I’m not sure there isn’t enough to go off already. “Maybe we can talk later.”
He narrows his eyes toward me and squishes me in closer. “I know you’re scared, and I don’t want to force you, but I’m here when you’re ready.”
I shake my head and my shoulders begin to relax.
“One thing though,” Brad asks. “Did he hurt you? Like did he touch you?”
The question isn’t an easy one to answer, but I feel I owe Brad something. I suck in a deep breath and twist toward him. “You know I was in nursing school…” I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to figure how to say this in the most puzzling way possible so that Brad understands but no one else does.
He nods, his gaze on me.
“Well…” I pause, trying to think of the best way to say what I’m thinking, but when nothing comes, I lean into his ear and whisper. “Kemp was my professor. I was working at the diner sixty hours a week and trying to keep up with class.” My stomach turns as I’m sure by now he can figure where this is going. “But I fell behind.” My voice is so low I know he’s straining to hear me. He cups his hands over top of each microphone so I can speak a little louder. “Anyway, working so much was fine the first three semesters. It was hard, but I made it work. Then when I got to Kemp’s Pathophysiology class… I dropped the ball. I couldn’t keep up with work and school and clinicals.” I run my hand back through my damp hair and swallow hard. “It was my last semester and Kemp played into every insecurity I have. He told me how worthless I’d be without the degree. He reminded me how I’d end up like my mom. He reminded me that his class wasn’t being held again until spring, which meant another year of school for me.”
“So what happened?” Brad asks. “Did he—”
I nod. “He told me how beautiful I was and at first he made me feel like he knew how much smarter I was than everyone else, that if I only had the time I could’ve done better. I believed him and I liked his attention. I—”
“It’s okay, Sara,” Brad says, noticing that my tone is getting louder.
“I fell right into his trap and soon the afternoon visits to his office were for more than a pep talk. My grades steadily increased from there and he gave me money so I wouldn’t have to work so hard.” I glance up at Brad. “You have to believe me, I truly assumed he wanted to help me, that he saw my potential, that the affair was just something on the side. But one afternoon I decided to surprise him in his office.” My heart starts to pound and a wave of nausea rushes over me. “I wore this lacy schoolgirl outfit, and I waited for him at noon, like I did every day in his office. Except his time, I sprawled out on the sofa and instead of Kemp, his wife walked in.”
Brad’s eyes widen as he runs his thumb up and down my shoulder.
“She wasn’t surprised, he’s a serial cheater. I think she only stays with him for the money. But I still felt awful. I felt so bad that I couldn’t sleep at night. I couldn’t sleep and I started to feel sick all the time. This went on for weeks. Then, just before I took off out of town, I—”
“What?” Brad prompts. “What’s wrong?”
“I kissed Colin,” I blurt the words out with heavy intent as though they’re being projected off my shoulders. “I mean, besides the game. I kissed him by the well. I don’t know what I was thinking, he—”
Brad smiles and twists toward me, his hand beneath my chin as he talks. “He told me before I came down here. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
My stomach twists tighter into its knot. “I totally get it if you never want to talk to me again. I don’t know what I’m thinking lately. It’s just—”
“Sara… it’s okay.” He brushes his hand down the side of my face and onto my shoulder.
“Aren’t you mad? I mean, he’s your friend. I feel awful. My head has been so messed up. I’m not making very good decis—”
“It’s okay,” he says, soothing me again. “Do you like him too or was it just a kiss?”
My heart is racing.Do I like him too?Is this a trick question? I’m not supposed to like two men at once. Hell, reality is I like three at once. I should tell him now, get everything off my chest, then tell him the big bomb of news I have that’ll surely help him decide that I’m not worth fighting for.
