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Butterflies danced through my stomach at his words. "I don't think I need to tell you that you often look hot. You already know that." I cleared my throat and then got up to take my empty plate to the kitchen. "Are you done? I'll put the leftovers in the fridge."
"I'm done," he said, bringing his plate to the sink. "And I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Brynn."
"You didn't," I said, not quite looking him in the eye as I put the cartons in the fridge. I wanted to get out of the kitchen, because he was way too close, so I left the dirty dishes in the sink and walked over to the couch.
I should have picked one of the chairs, I thought, as Kade sat down next to me a few minutes later.
"You're still uncomfortable," he said, a knowing gleam in his eyes.
"It's been an uncomfortable day. I had a rough conversation with Dani earlier."
"Oh, yeah? About Rachel?"
"Yes, and about the orchestra job. I told her I was going to take it."
Surprise and approval mixed in his gaze. "That's good. How did she respond?"
"She was hurt, angry, and disappointed. She told me to do whatever I wanted because I was going to do that anyway. Then she hung up on me."
"Did that make you want to change your mind?" he asked.
"No. It's the right move for me professionally. It wasn't the best time to tell her, but I needed to make a decision by tomorrow, so I made it. It was probably crazy to say yes to the job with everything going on with my mom. But she did wake up earlier today, and I think she's going to recover, so…"
"You need to move on with your life," he finished.
"I do." I paused. "To be honest, Kade, you helped me make up my mind, too, when you pushed me to make some new music. I hadn't done that in a long time. It opened my mind back up, not just to this new job, but to other possibilities. You're so free. You do what you want, live where you want. I want to feel like that, like I'm in control."
"You should feel like that. You should live like that, Brynn."
"Do you ever feel like you're being selfish?"
"No, but I don't have a twin that I'm in business with," he said with a smile.
"That's fair."
"But you only get one life to live. This is your life. You have to make the most of it."
"You're right. I just don't know what path to take."
"That’s what makes life exciting. I feel the most alive when things are uncomfortable, when they're hard, when I'm out of my element. It's so much better than boring."
"I can barely remember what boring feels like."
He smiled. "That's good, Brynn."
"Is it good?" I asked, completely captivated by the glittering look in his eyes.
"It means you're living, not just existing."
"Am I living or am I running?"
"Does it matter? Your blood is pumping. You're taking action and making decisions. That's what counts."
"I could have died last night," I reminded him.
His smile faded. "I'm very aware of that. I'm not saying that you don't have to take precautions right now, because you're in danger and that comes with some limitations. But later, when all of this is resolved, you should live your life on your own terms."
"I don't know if I'm going to have a later," I said. "Which is why I don't want to wait, because if I wait, I might miss out on something amazing."
