Page 60 of Next Time I Fall


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"I'm glad I picked the right place." As she finished speaking, Leo knocked over his glass of milk with one of his horses, and the milk quickly spread across the table.

"Sorry, Mommy," Leo said immediately, worry entering his eyes.

"It's okay," she said, mopping up the milk with napkins. "It was an accident. But that's why we don't play at the table. Put the horses down until you're finished eating." She got up to refill his milk and to grab a towel to wipe down the table. Then she gave him a helpless smile. "The perils of eating with a four-year-old."

"He didn't dump it on me, so I'm good," he said with a grin. "And I have eaten with four-year-old children. One of my friends in LA has twin four-year-old girls and a one-year-old. Dinner at his house is more chaotic than this."

"I'll bet. Three kids under the age of four?" She shuddered. "I can't even imagine."

"I witnessed it and still don't know how he handles it all."

"Do you see yourself with kids one day?" She paused. "Or is that too personal of a question?"

He shrugged. "I don't really think about it, to be honest. I like kids, so sure, one day…"

"You're lucky you're a man. Women in their thirties have to think about whether or not they want kids. The clock is not our friend."

"I have always been happy to be a man," he said. "Do you want more children?"

"I wouldn't mind if Leo had a sibling. I think it would be good for him, but I wouldn't do it alone. Not because it's too hard," she added hastily. "But because I would want my child to have two parents. It's difficult for one person to be everything."

"It is. But I'd rather have one fantastic parent than two mediocre ones. I also wouldn't want to split time between two parents. I grew up with a couple of kids with divorced parents, and I didn't envy the way they had to go back and forth. I was fine with just having my dad. But then, he was also a really good father."

"What was he like? I know he was an adventurer and a writer, but what was his personality? Was he quiet and introspective or outgoing and the life of the party?"

"He was a mix of both. He could be quiet and serious when he was working, but he was also very talkative and friendly. He could go into any situation and come out with a new best friend. He was very interested in the life of whoever he met. He asked a lot of questions and rarely talked about himself. He used to tell me I'd learn a lot more by listening than by talking."

"You do seem to observe a lot," she commented. "You talk easily but you also listen, like really listen. Not everyone does that. They're more likely to be thinking about what they want to say next than what the other person is trying to get across."

"I've run into people like that," he agreed. "It's like they're looking for a punchline, or a chance to be smart or witty, instead of just being engaged."

"Exactly."

Chloe sat back, sipping her wine. "I know you were happy with your dad, but you must have missed having a mother."

"I did, but at the same time, I didn't know exactly what to miss, because I didn't remember her ever being in my life. It's hard to miss something you never had. Of course, as I got older and I saw other kids with their two parents, it became obvious that I was missing something. But I had a great childhood, so I can't complain." He paused. "Leo isn't going to complain, either. He's also having a great childhood, because of you. You're putting in the time. That's what kids remember."

"I hope so," she said. "But I can't help thinking that as he grows older, I'm going to run into things I'm just not very good at, that his father would be better at doing. Like mathematical word problems, or playing hockey, or camping. I don't know how to put up a tent. And I'm an average skier. I've never mastered snowboarding. Fishing is another thing I'm not good at."

He smiled at her growing list and the serious concern in her gaze. "No one is good at everything."

"But I bet you're good at all of that."

"Well, I am good at a lot," he teased, nudging a smile out of her. "But I have never played hockey."

"Still, when your dad raised you—it was two males. What about all the man stuff I'm going to have to help him go through?"

"You'll figure it out. And you'll be able to give him the female perspective. Seriously, Chloe, you can't be everything, so don't try. Just be yourself. You have plenty of friends to help you with the rest."

"It's definitely going to take a village," she said. "I know most of it will work out, but I don't want it just to be okay; I want it to be great."

"You're going to drive yourself crazy aiming for perfection. You know that, right?"

"I am good at driving myself crazy," she admitted. "I have a small issue with control sometimes."

"You think?" he joked.

"But I can give up control if someone else wants to take it. I just haven't had anyone who wanted to do that."

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