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She frowned at the hard note in his voice. "That was his loss."
"Many people were willing to take that loss—like every single one of my grandparents. Was I some sort of devil spawn because my teenaged parents had sex in high school and accidentally got pregnant? Because that's the way people acted."
"They were stupid. All of them. And I understand why your dad just took you away from all of it. He didn't want their coldness to touch you. He was protecting you."
"I want to believe that was the only reason, but since all these other secrets have come out, I've lost some of my unconditional trust in what my father told me about the past, about the family. Maybe there was a reason everyone washed their hands of him, turned their backs. Maybe he was a screwup. He definitely wanted to live life on his own terms."
She thought about that. "Well, you knew him better than anyone else. I think you have to trust your gut."
"I just wish he'd told me about Hank and Ellie. It didn't have to be when I was six, but it could have been later. I should have known. He should have given me a chance to decide if I wanted to know them."
"He must have been afraid."
"That they would take me away?"
"That and also that you might want to go with them. I don't think he could risk losing you. You were all he had. I kind of understand that feeling."
"You're not keeping Leo from anyone. You have pictures of his hero father in his bedroom, even though the guy is never there for his son. You're still trying to encourage that relationship."
"For Leo, not for Kevin. I want to be clear about that. Leo has a father, and I want him to know who he is, and I want him to love him, to have a relationship with him. I also want Leo to know Kevin's parents. They're his grandparents, and they love him. And that's important."
"How did they take the divorce?" he asked curiously.
"They were angry with Kevin. It was a little surprising because they were so proud of him. But they knew Kevin was letting me and Leo down. I've known them since I was sixteen, so I'm like a daughter to them. I run their business for them. They love me and they love their son. They didn't want to be in the middle, and Kevin and I have both tried not to put them there."
"That's good."
"It is good. Kevin isn't around the way he should be, but he's not a bad guy. I think you would actually like him. He's a man's man. And he's fiercely loyal to his team, his patriotism, and his desire to make the world a better place. That's what I want Leo to see. And I hope that down the road Kevin will be able to spend more time with his son." She paused. "But getting back to Leo's grandparents—I don't think a kid can have too much love. So I want everyone who wants to be in his life to be there."
He nodded. "My father should have seen that Ellie had some love to give. But he made sure I only had his. Was that selfish? Was he protecting me from the harsh reality that none of my family wanted to know me? Or is there more to the story I don't know."
"Maybe it's all that." She paused. "I don't know if there's anything else you'll be able to learn from Ellie's things, but isn't it time to put that question to rest? Let's get the check, go back to your apartment and look through the boxes together."
He frowned. "I had a few other things in mind for what we could do at my apartment."
She smiled. "I'm sure I would like those ideas, too, but you've been avoiding the elephant in the room too long, Decker. One thing I've learned from Leo is the only way to make sure there aren't any monsters is to look under the bed."
"What would you do if you found one?"
"Thankfully, I haven't had to find out."
"Well, let's hope we don't have to find out tonight."
ChapterTwenty-Four
They hadn't foundany monsters, but they had found a journal in the first box Decker had picked up. It was a journal written by Ellie during his first trip to Whisper Lake. It took only a few lines to confirm that. He didn't want to keep reading, but he also couldn't look away. Chloe peered over his shoulder, reading along with him…
Ryan and Decker arrived this morning. Ryan was eager to see Hank, but I told him it might be better to wait a few days. Hank has been battling with a cold and is even grumpier than usual. At least, that's what I told Ryan. The truth is that I want a chance to get to know Ryan and little Decker better before Ryan talks to his father, before this trip blows up in our faces. I also need time to get Hank off this crazy plan he has brewing in his head.
Ever since Kelly died, Hank has been thinking about Ryan trying to raise a kid on his own. He doesn't think Ryan can do it, and when Ryan wrote and asked him for money, Hank became even more convinced of that fact. Last week, Hank told me he wants to take custody of Decker.
I was shocked to hear him say that. Decker is six, and we're in our late sixties. How are we going to raise a six-year-old? And why would Hank want to step in with Decker when he was perfectly content to let Ryan grow up without him?
Maybe Hank's guilt is catching up with him. He knows he didn't treat Ryan right. Now he wants to make up for it, but in the worst possible way. I need him to see that Decker is thriving with Ryan, that Ryan just needs a little help to keep his family going.
I'm also hoping that Ryan will fall in love with Whisper Lake. I think the best solution would be for Ryan and Decker to live here. Then we can all be together but also have our own lives.
I need to make that happen. I feel so guilty about Ryan and Hank not having a relationship. I know Hank didn't tell me about Ryan because we were having trouble conceiving our own child. He couldn't bear to say that he had a son with someone else. And when I found out, I didn't encourage Hank to spend time with his son. I didn't want him anywhere near Catherine, the woman who had come between us. But that wasn’t fair to Ryan. It took me a long time to see that.
