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I scanned the items, trying to find something with peanuts in it—Abuelitaloved nutty desserts. I was about to press the button, when I heard a feminine voice say, “Hey there.”
I turned, finding a girl about my age in a black track suit. Her hair was pulled away from her face, her lips were painted bright red, and her eyes had thick blue eyeliner.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m just about done.”
She leaned against the side of the vending machine. “Take your time. I’m enjoying the view.” Her grin informed me that, yes, she was flirting.
I tossed her an easy smile of my own before putting in the quarters and choosing a candy bar.
“Where are you from?” she asked.
“Emerson.”
“Brentwood. I knew you looked familiar. I’m on the cheer squad, and it’s hard not to notice you on the football field.”
Chuckling, I bent down to grab the candy bar. “I’m sure they’d forgive you for wanting to cheer on the winning team.”
Her cheeks grew pinker underneath the blush she was already wearing. A lot of girls reacted like that to me—blushing, smiling. It made April’s reaction all the more confusing. Why was she so determined to dislike me?
I was so busy thinking about the way April treated me at the party that I completely missed what this girl was saying. “Sorry, what?”
“I was saying if you wanted to hang out sometime, we should. I’m free most Sundays.”
I bit my lip, thinking about her offer. She was cute enough, but I didn’t want a girlfriend who would demand all of my time. I saw the way my guy friends disappeared once they got a girlfriend, and I didn’t want that to happen to me.
“I’m pretty busy,” I said, hoping to spare her feelings. “But I can’t wait to hear you cheer me on at the game.” I winked and walked away, going back to my family.
My time this year was meant for one thing: enjoying what little freedom I had left.
Thirteen
April
Momand I stayed up late Sunday night, packing a bag with all the things Dad would need for his first day at the day program and more. I could feel the nervous energy in our home, even if we didn’t speak much about it out loud.
Dad being out of the house for eight hours a day would be huge for Mom and her business. No more late nights spent with a fresh pot of coffee in front of a glowing screen. No more constantly backing up her computer in case one of Dad’s episodes took a different turn. No more worrying about how they were while I was at school.
But there was more to consider... How would Dad do around new people? Our family, his schedule, and the occasional doctor visits were all he’d known for the last few years. How would he do around strangers? Waking up early? Coming back home at the end of a long day?
I hoped this would be good for him, bring more joy to his life too, but our lives never seemed to be that simple or straightforward anymore.
Mom and I set Dad’s things for the next day by the front door, and I slept restlessly all night, worries on my mind until my alarm clock went off in the morning. Relieved to be in motion, I rolled out of bed and got ready.
With my clothes on and backpack ready, I went downstairs to meet Mom in the kitchen. She had a chocolate croissant for me that I could barely eat with the nerves dancing in my stomach. It tasted like cardboard, and I had to drink lots of creamy coffee to get down the flaky dough.
Both of our plates were empty, but Mom and I just looked at each other.
Her breath was shallow. “Are you ready?”
I shook my head.
“Me neither.” She stood up anyway and put our coffee cups and plates in the sink. I pushed in our chairs, and we walked to Dad’s bedroom, the one right off the living room. I stared at the white door, lines up and down its length.
Mom reached for the handle and gently pushed it open because knocking would disturb him. The room was completely dark with blackout curtains. “Doug?” she said softly.
He rolled under the blankets. Dad had been a big man before his accident—six feet, four inches tall, and two hundred and twenty pounds. He stayed fit for his job in the military. But now his muscles had softened, his belly had rounded. He was big and every bit as intimidating as a bear when he wanted to be.
“Doug?” Mom repeated.
