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“What do you think about a gap year?” Mom asked, examining me. “I actually think it’s a pretty good idea.”
After so long living in the present, planning for the future, changing course, it didn’t come naturally. “I need more time to think about it,” I said.
“Of course.” She nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ambush you by that. Birdie just said she was free.”
“Don’t apologize.” I reached up, hugging my mom, then pulled back, needing to tell her everything that had been on my heart, all the things that have felt too uncomfortable to say. “I’ve seen you look out for Dad and me all my life. Being a military wife is not an easy job, and these last three years especially, you’ve been our rock. You’re the most selfless person, and I’m so lucky to be your daughter.”
Mom’s eyes were red and filled with tears. “April, I mean it when I say, being your mom has been the biggest privilege of my life, but I do have a regret.”
Fear took hold of me, and I prayed she wouldn’t regret me.
She took a breath. “I don’t think I’ve prepared you for life after this.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
She looked out the window like she was looking at her past. “You’ve only known this life. The moves every few years, deployments, always meeting new, temporary people. But in less than a year, that won’t be your life. You’ll get to choose when you want to go... and when you want to stay.”
It was a huge, expansive feeling, what Mom and Birdie had given me. The future was wide open... and it was mine to choose.
We held each other for a long time and then decided to have a lazy afternoon, chatting and snacking and watching TV until it was time for me to pick up Heidi for our evening walk. Even though I’d been upset with Mom at first for scheduling this job for me, this was the one part of my day that had gotten me through the last few weeks.
Our house felt empty without Dad. My heart felt empty without Diego and Sadie.
But Heidi? She was there for me no matter what.
And she’d even been sticking by my side, like she knew I couldn’t handle any more trouble.
But this time, when I stepped outside my house to walk to the Pfanstiels’, I stopped short. Sadie was standing in the driveway, her car parked where Birdie’s had been earlier. “Wh—what are you doing here?”
She kept her hands in her jacket pockets as she shrugged. “I’ve missed you.”
Guilt swept through me. I had pulled away from Sadie, and over the last few weeks, it felt too awkward to reach back out after what a jerk I’d been. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a terrible friend.”
Sadie smiled slightly. “Kind of.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m not supposed to be laughing. I should be on my knees, begging for your forgiveness, Say. I’ve been so awful to you.” Remorse filled each of my words, and I hoped she heard how truly sorry I was.
“You were hurting. Sometimes we do things we don’t mean when we’re upset. Or afraid. I just hope from now on, you’ll let me in instead of icing me out.”
Her words carried more weight than simply being about us, but I didn’t focus on the deeper meaning. “I promise I will,” I said. “I missed you too.”
She smiled slightly. “I’m free this evening. Do you want to hang out?”
“I’d love to.” I cringed. “But I have to walk this dog...”
“I’ll come with you,” she said. “I can’t wait to meet the infamous Heidi and see all this progress you’ve been making.”
I laughed. The sound felt foreign to my ears but good on my heart. “Let’s go.”
We walked together to the Pfanstiels’ house, talking about her parents’ latest pottery project on the way. She invited me over to make one of my own, and I happily accepted.
“That would be great,” I said, slowing at the Pfanstiels’ yellow front door. “This is it.” I raised my hand to knock, and as soon as the door opened, Heidi came running out, dancing around me without jumping on me.
“Hey, good girl,” I said, smiling.
Jesse said, “You brought a friend. How fun.”
“This is Sadie,” I said.
