AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Still, I feel uneasy about the whole thing. I’m scared about the realization that these feelings I have for Rhett are real. Not only are they real, but they’re big.
Bigger than I’ve ever felt before.
I’ve told myself for years that I’m not going to be in a committed relationship, and I’ve done everything I can to keep walls up around myself and my heart. Now this guy has come into my life and knocked them all down and I’m not even sure when it happened.
That’s why I called out of work tonight and I haven’t answered any of Rhett’s calls. I just…can’t. I can’t face him. I can’t accept the way he looks at me because while I was telling myself for the last month that I didn’t know what the look in his eye meant, I really did. I can’t ignore it now.
It’s been affection. It’s been adoration. It’s been love.
And I realize I love him too.
This is when everything crumbles around me. This is when I lose everything. At least, that’s how it’s always been in the past.
The fact that I thought I was in love in the past is ridiculous now because I know what real love is because of Rhett. I didn’t love the boys who broke my heart before. That was nothing like this.
I have so much more to lose now and it’s terrifying.
Amelia’s words are still rattling around in my head. I don’t want to lose Rhett. Really, I don’t. I don’t like the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I think of going through life without him in it with me.
However, it also terrifies me. It means I’ve already gotten in too deep. It means I can’t stand on my own.
Right?
If I need him then I’m not independent?
That doesn’t seem right either because I love and respect the women in the family and Trix and they’re in love and still badass women. I wouldn’t view any of them as weak just because they have men in their lives.
They’ve all risked heartbreak to let the men who love them into their lives and they’re still going strong. For them the risk was worth the reward, but how do I know it’ll be the same for me?
I don’t. I don’t know at all, and it scares me. Amongst other things.
Just as I’m about to start tugging at my hair and pacing my apartment because I can’t seem to sit still and I feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin, there’s a knock on my door. I’m both annoyed and grateful because this interruption is either the worst timed thing in my life or the best.
Without even thinking about asking who is on the other side of the door, I rip it open and come face-to-face with Rhett. Rhett with a scowl on his face and intense blue-grey eyes which are boring right into me.
“Uh,” totally fine, that sounds normal, “what are you doing here?”
His eyes narrow at me, and he steps into my personal bubble which both sets me on edge and makes me feel calmer than I have been since I realized things may be spiraling out of control. “What am I doing here?”
“Yes?” Crap. Why did that come out like a question which does not make me sound like the badass woman I am.
“I think the better question is what are you doing here, Phoenix? Why aren’t you at work?” When I take a step back, he follows me until he’s able to kick the door closed behind him. “Actually, that doesn’t matter. The better question here is why have you been avoiding me and trying to shut me out?”
I blink up at the man in front of me and everything is screaming at me to wrap my arms around his neck and hold on so tight that he’s never able to pry my arms off him. Yeah, stick to him like an octopus and engage all the suckers to make sure he can’t slip away. Sounds like a great idea.
Except, then I’d be stuck too. Right?
Mayday. Deflect. Deflect!
“I haven’t been avoiding you. I just decided to take the night off. I’ve been working a lot, as you know, and I just wanted a relaxing evening at home. By myself. I thought I’d take a little me time.” Oh, the lies keep spilling out of my mouth and I can’t seem to stop them, it’s like watching a car accident play out in real time in front of me. “You know, self-care?”
Crap. Again with the questioning tone. And why am I fidgeting and not looking into his eyes?
“Self-care,” he forms the words slowly as if he’s giving me a chance to step back and try again.
When I force myself to make eye contact, what I find there is like a knife to the chest. Hurt. There’s genuine hurt and pain in his eyes. As if I’ve hurt him. As if I’ve caused him pain.
I don’t like it one bit.
