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But I’m doing this for me and my own self-preservation. I need to stay strong and not be swayed by the puppy-dog look in his eyes. I need to go back to the woman I used to be.
Even though I wasn’t particularly happy. Even though some of the greatest memories I’ve ever made have been in the last month with Rhett.
This whole thing has been moving way too fast and I need to pump the brakes. So, why can’t I find the words to say that?
My shoulders slump and I’m suddenly exhausted. When I feel Rhett’s arms wrap around me and pull me against his chest, I melt against him and all the doubt, all the fear, all the loud as fuck voices in my head which have been warning me against getting in too deep with this man, disappear.
I don’t know what kind of magic is in this man’s touch, but right now, as I’m wrapped up in it, I want to be able to experience it for the rest of my life. I have a feeling it’ll be worth the risk of heartbreak. I have a feeling it’s worth any risk.
I crave him. I love him. I need to get over my past and accept what is right in front of me.
I swallow hard and whisper the only truth I can, “I’m scared.”
CHAPTER 8
RHETT
To set my eyes on my woman fills me with relief and annoyance. How can one woman inspire this level of contradiction? I have half a mind to tell her I’m glad she’s okay and to walk out the door, but I know her, and it would only reinforce whatever fears she’s allowed to take hold.
I don’t know where those fears have come from and why they came on so suddenly, but I could tell they were there from the moment she swung open the door, looked me in the eyes and then looked away. It was right there playing across her face like a damn billboard in Times Square.
My gut is telling me she’s had some kind of epiphany and is why she’s been avoiding me. It hasn’t been a long time but considering how much time we’ve been spending over the last month, it was more than enough.
I’m not going to let my woman get away from me. It would kill me slowly, like a wound that won’t heal. I can’t let it happen.
I’ve been trying to show her for the last month that she can trust me, that she can give me her heart and I’ll protect it. I’m in this all the way without a single reservation. I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
Which is why I take a deep breath, rub my hands up and down my woman’s back and calm my racing heart. I was scared as fuck when I realized she wasn’t at Aces, where I expected her to be. Even though her not answering the phone or responding to my texts had been bothering me, I could write that off as her being busy, to a point. But for her to not be at work?
I knew shit was not right in the world and I knew it all came down to exactly what she’s just admitted to me while her face is buried in my chest, and I have her in my arms.
She’s scared.
Fuck.
“You don’t need to be scared, my little Firestorm,” she tenses in my arms, I’m sure about to interrupt me, but I don’t let her, “but I can understand why you are.”
She jerks back in my hold even though I don’t let her go or put any distance between us. Her brown eyes come up and meet mine. There’s an accusation in her tone, “You only think you understand, Rhett.” I arch an eyebrow in question, ready to see her get all riled up and indignant. She doesn’t disappoint. “You’re like the perfect guy. Ready to commit. Ready to be there. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you’ve been pushing me right into this little vision you have of me, of us, of life. So how the hell can you understand a damn thing I’m feeling?”
My hands come up and dive into her hair, gripping the strands and giving a tug until her breathing stops coming out in short pants and her eyes glaze over. Damn, she’s sexy as fuck all the time, but right now when she’s not all in her head is when she glows from the inside out.
“Now that you’re done with your tirade.” She lets out a huff, but I simply wait it out until she rolls her eyes and I feel some of the tension leave her body. “If you think I don’t see you, Phoenix, then you’re fucking wrong. I watched you for weeks before I ever approached you. I saw how you keep everything light and easy, always on the surface. You don’t get involved because you feel so fucking deeply and you don’t want to get hurt.” Her eyes widen and she looks at me like she’s seeing me for the first time. “I knew what I was getting into when I approached you. I knew what I wanted, and I knew you’d fight me while I was helping you to get there.”
“I’m not fighting you,” she mumbles.
I chuckle under my breath and her eyes narrow at me. The look she’s giving me causes my cock to twitch behind the fly of my jeans. I’m not having this conversation like this and untangle my fingers from her hair so I can scoop her up in my arms.
The little squeal of surprise she lets out is adorable as fuck. As is the confused look on her face when I stride deeper into her apartment and deposit her down on the bed. Before she can move, I cover her body with mine and stare down into her eyes.
“Phoenix,” my voice is deeper than it normally is and I wish I could just undress her and show her with my body just what she means to me, but this isn’t the time for that. This is the time for the words. Maybe then she’ll believe all my actions; everything I’ve shown her over the last month. “I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to break your heart.”
Unshed tears glisten in her eyes and it cracks something inside of me. I hate seeing her like this. I hate the uncertainty she carries around with her like a shield. I hate the way it has separated us.
“You don’t know that,” her voice wavers with every word.
“I do know because I would rather be thrown into a pit of vipers than hurt you. Even seeing you scared like you are right now guts me. I hate it and I want to chase away every single uncertainty you have. I’ve been showing you over the last month exactly the man I am,” I remind her.
“People change,” she insists, her chin raising with defiance.
