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“Chastity, are you sure your breasts are real? They’re so perky, they can’t possibly be real,” Lisa says as I take off my sports bra. She reaches out to touch them and I slap her hand.
Is she serious right now?
I’ve never been interested in girls before, but even if I was, it wouldn’t be Lisa. Honestly, I think her eyes are set too closely together, and she’s way too grabby. I can’t handle people touching me without consent, it reminds me too much of what happened… before.
Shuddering, I hurry to put on a bra and my school uniform.
“It’s not a surprise the new girl is so popular with the boys,” I hear a girl I don’t know say. Turning, I see she’s gossiping about me on the other side of the room.Why am I the source of endless conversations? I’m not even that special.“She’s everyone’s wet dream, and not just with the guys. Did you see her ass when she bent over in yoga class? She’s so flexible!”
Sighing, my face warms at how she’s talking about me, and I take a sip of my water to cool down.
“Well, you know what they say,” Bridget shouts loudly in the locker room. “God has a blind spot, and I happen to love anal.” I choke on the water and she gives me a nasty glare.
“What? Miss Innocent is too much of a prude to try anal sex?” she goads me, and I try not to give away how just the thought of any type of sex makes me want to be physically ill. I find it ironic that the mean girls have been calling meMiss Innocent.If they knew the truth, the nicknames would be a lot worse, so I just ignore them.
Walkingout of the room quickly, I head back to the apartment. I need a break from all of today's bullshit. I don’t know how to handle Father Levi’s strange looks in each class, Ash’s odd apology, or how open the girls in my class are about sex. I feel like I’ve been really sheltered, despite my experiences, and I’m ill-equipped for life.
I’m so tired of crying, but life is so hard, and I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. Collapsing against the door of the apartment, I give in to my tears.
Please, God, help me. Help guide me in life, and help me find my purpose. The only purpose I serve right now is upsetting my grandmother and everyone around me.
Sighing, I get up the courage to try calling Jacob. I haven't tried so far because I know this has been hard on him as well. The phone doesn’t ring, and I check my phone to see if I hit send. Seeing that I did, I listen again before the call goes straight to voicemail. Wondering if it’s a mistake, I call back again, before leaning back in defeat.
How terrible do you have to be for your own brother to block you?
Shaking my head, I get off the floor and spend the rest of the afternoon hiding in my room. I know my grandmother will be home soon, and I don’t think I can face her right now.
Around five o’clock, there’s a knock at the door, like clockwork. My grandmother is very punctual, though I was honestly hoping she’d forget to invite me to dinner.
“Chastity, you know it’s dinner time. Don’t dawdle,” she says, and I get off the bed.
I brush my hair quickly, wrinkling my nose at the sight that greets me in the mirror. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot, but I don’t have time to do anything about it right now. Deciding that’s as good as it’ll get, I step out of the room to join her for dinner.
The food itself looks delicious, but the way Grandmother stares at me, my hunger quickly evaporates. At this point, I’ll be a shell of myself if I continue to skip meals.
My grandmother eats in silence, as she reads from her Bible. I don’t even know why I’m here, if she’s just going to ignore me.
When she’s done, she lays her cutlery down onto her plate and gives me her full attention.
God, this may be worse than her ignoring me.
“In two weeks time, you will begin having extra lessons with Father Levi. He has agreed to take over your path to redemption by expelling the wickedness out of you through a series of punishments,” she says, folding her hands in front of her.
Air feels like it’s whooshing in my ears as I stare at her. I was hoping I had hallucinated what I heard her say outside of her office, but no such luck. I should have known, I’ve never been very lucky.
Eyes wide, I listen to my grandmother outline my life. Again, giving me no choice in the matter.
“I realized yesterday that I have been too lenient with you, and that's an oversight I intend to correct. You will attend with a smile, and acceptance in your heart, as you forge the path to redemption. It will not be easy, and Father Levi is a hard taskmaster. May I remind you that you put yourself into this position, so if you want redemption, you must repent. Don’t you want your soul to be accepted by God when you die?” she asks, eyes wide.
My breaths come faster, and there are black dots floating in front of my eyes. Blinking hard, I try to make them go away. God, I can’t pass out here or she’ll send me away.
“I can’t deal with this right now,” I rasp, standing so quickly that the chair topples over.
“Where do you think you’re going? We are not done with this discussion, Chastity,” my grandmother snaps at me as I rush out of the door and down the hall. I don’t bother responding. My emotions are swirling inside, like an out of control tornado. I need to get away from here before I do damage I can’t come back from.
The main doors are locked like always, but I know a secret way out of here. I found it once as a child. The abandoned corridor is dark and covered in cobwebs, but I keep moving.
Voices echo behind me and I panic. No one should know about this passageway. Are they here for me? Did my grandmother send them after me?
