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To bring this back from how deep it’s gotten, I grab two glasses of milk to go with the lemony treats she’s making, and hand her one as she puts the pan into the oven. “To really fucked up parents, and finding joy where we can,” I tell her, clinking her glass with mine.
Giggling, she shrugs. “Screw it. Cheers.”
Drinking deeply from our glasses, we chat as the lemon bars cook.
As we’re waiting for them to cool, Sister Anna catches us in the kitchen. We aren’t doing anything really terrible, just talking, but I know Chastity’s grandmother doesn’t want her fraternizing with her classmates, and the fact that it’s late may be an issue.
“I would never go against Mother Superior, but I think she’s too hard on you at times, Chastity,” Sister Anna says. “I think it’s important to socialize and enjoy yourself, especially if it means you’ll share your yummy treats with me?” She winks as she says this, and Chastity’s breath whooshes out, happy that the Sister isn’t going to rat her out.
“Absolutely, how many bars would you like?” Chastity asks. I swear, she would hand her the entire pan and make more if it means she wouldn’t get in trouble. The girl has had it really rough the last few weeks.
“Just two, please, child,” Sister Anna says with a smile.
Chastity gives her three with a wink and the Sister happily goes to her room with her dessert.
Cleaning up together after we eat our treats, we put the rest into the fridge. I walk her back to the apartment and Chastity looks up at me, blushing slightly. I’m oddly proud that she’s getting better about keeping my gaze.
“This was a really good idea, and I had a nice time,” she says with a smile. “Bast… can I kiss you?”
Staring down at this beautiful girl, I nod. Chastity gets up on her toes and kisses my cheek before rushing inside after whispering, “Goodnight!”
I can’t fight my smile, or the way I hold my cheek, as I head back to my dorm. I hope we can do this again because I had a really great time.
Chapter18
Chastity
I’m sitting at the table in our apartment picking at the dry meatloaf and daydreaming about my date with Bast. He was so sweet, and getting to know him better meant a lot to me. I can’t believe how similar our backgrounds are. I wish Sister Anna never interrupted, but just the time we were gifted was amazing.
“You’re awfully quiet tonight,” Grandmother says, and I jolt, lifting my eyes to give her respect. I’m shocked that she’s even speaking, and what does she mean that I’m quiet? We never speak unless she’s ordering me to comply.
I’m still not allowed to have meals with my peers yet, or socialize with them outside of lessons and the occasional lunch, and of course the rare times I get to watch movies with Jonas and Ash. But that’s only allowed since it’s classwork. Our project ended already, but she hasn’t said anything yet, so I’m going to keep hanging out with them while I can.
I know she thinks she’s protecting me, but really she is just drawing more attention to me. The people here don’t know me, and I know there are so many rumors circulating. Bridget is a menace. She loves to play with my name, making everyone think I'm some innocent prude one day, and a whore the next.
I wish that the latter was true. I love how she thinks it's an insult. When did society start making virgins feel bad about themselves? If I still had the honor, I would cherish it. The alternative is too heartbreaking to be proud of.
I clear my throat and give her a sad smile. “I didn’t know you wished to talk, Mother Cross,” I say quietly, and don’t miss the way she flinches when I call her by the name she demanded I use. She nods and goes back to her meatloaf, and I shake my head again in frustration.
“You remind me of her, you know,” she murmurs. “Your mother. Not just in looks, but demeanor too. We shared many meals in silence, though not quite as uncomfortable as this. She kept to herself most days. So I was shocked when she came home with a man who wanted to be a preacher. A devout Catholic marrying a man who was a non-Catholic Christian.” She gives a tinkling laugh, and for some reason, that puts me more on edge than when she’s snapping at me.
“I miss her,” I say quietly, and let my eyes fill with tears, but I don’t allow them to fall. I take in a shuddering breath and compose myself. “I guess you could call me naive, and I believe at times I am, but I never believed I would live in a world without her. We saw the signs that she was sick, but she tried to hide it.” I laugh, but it’s not in mirth.
“She would still host Sunday dinners at the Church, volunteer all her hours in the nursery, and still come home to prepare us meals. I don’t know how she was so strong. I admire that, and wish I had even a small percentage of her strength.” I keep my eyes lowered on my plate, then stand up and shuffle over to the kitchen.
This is the first time since I was fifteen that my grandmother is actually acting like she cares for me, and I don’t want to jinx it. I dish up two bowls of dessert and bring them back to the table.
“Yes, your mother was a pillar of strength in all hours, even her last,” she says freely, then changes the subject. “Chastity, I have arranged for you to move into the dorms. I think you have shown progress here, and are really fighting for your redemption.”
I drop my spoon in the bowl of banana pudding I whipped up the other day, and stare open mouthed at the alien who has claimed my grandmother’s body.
“Close your mouth, child. You’ll catch flies,” she snaps and I sigh. Nevermind, she’s still the same person.
“I don’t understand. I thought I was meant to stay here with you,” I splutter and she purses his lips into a frown.
“Yes, well, things have changed. I have to leave Holy Cross for a few weeks to deal with some personal matters, and you can’t stay here in the apartment unaccompanied. So I found a lovely roommate for you. You may even know her. She’s from the town next to yours.” I blink up at her. I’m at a loss for words.
She sighs. “If you can keep out of trouble while I’m gone, then I don’t see any reason for you to have to move back in here with me after I return.Father Levi has also reported your lessons have been going well. I know you probably don’t like me at the moment, but I’m impressed at your determination and acceptance to repent.”
