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I lean against the tiled wall and let my thighs fall open as the blade glides once more along my flesh. The pain makes me hiss as my head drops back. This is what has replaced my unanswered prayers these days. Usually, this is what I need to calm myself, but today it’s not working. The memories still haunt me.
Panic assaults me as flashbacks of a similar pain, in the same location, takes over my mind. Short skirt pushed over my waist, wrists bound in a palm so large and rough. No one cared about my hopes and dreams, as everything was ripped away from me. Blood running down my thigh as the burning increases. My oxygen cut off as I fight to scream.
I open my eyes and quickly climb to my feet. The mirror taunts me and I fight not to smash it into a thousand shards. I want to end these feelings of hopelessness and betrayal. I want to feel nothing. Blood trickles down my thigh and my body won't stop shaking. I need to snap out of this.
I clean myself up and climb into bed. The pills in my bag taunt me. It would be so easy to take one and pass out, but I don't want to be groggy tomorrow.
I hum a lullaby my mother used to sing to me and close my eyes, praying for some sleep.
Chapter4
Ifinish my meal and leave Bastian talking with Milo and Teri. I’m over sitting here with the person who fucked up my wrist, and the girl he’s screwing against the Society’s rules. Not to mention Bast won’t shut up about the new girl, and it’s pissing me off. Can’t he see that she's a bad idea? Even her own grandmother warned her away from us. She’s a spoiled princess that just happens to bear the Cross name.
But the way he's acting, after talking to her for less than an hour… She’s going to fuck up all of our plans.
Bastian is already over the moon for her, and he knows we can’t do anything about it. Fuck, I’m so over this virginity pact. Maybe I should just do what the other guys are doing. Technically, getting head isn’t sex. But I know that's just going to bite them in the ass someday. I’ll just stick with my hand for now.
I walk through the dim corridors and head towards the boys dormitories. The rooms here are actually spacious, and I share with my best friends, so it doesn’t totally suck. I guess that’s one plus to the state sending me here. The fact my friends came along too made it even better.
When I reach the top of the stairs, I find Monique and Carl going at it against my door. “Wrong room,” I growl, and they separate with a squeak from Monique.
“Oh, Ash, you scared me,” Mo coos, batting her lashes at me, like she doesn’t have Carl’s dick in her hand. I roll my eyes and nod my head toward the hall.
“Bridget is in the dining room, probably wondering where you are.” I leave them and open my door, then go inside. My shower is calling my name, and my erection is in need of attention. I’ve been hard since I met the little princess. Her innocent eyes, pouty lips, and perfect curves.
My phone rings before I can even strip my clothes off. I'd ignore it if it wasn't Levi, our mentor.
“Yeah,” I answer. Eloquent as ever.
“We have a meeting this weekend. Make sure to be on time. Father is becoming less inclined to give you a break. Trust me, you don't want to be on the other side of his cane.”I nod as if he can see me, then roll my eyes.
“Understood,” I say, as he ends the call. I appreciate he's not one for idle chatter. I toss my phone on my bed and rip my top off, moving to unbutton my jeans. “Hey,” someone says from behind me, scaring the shit out of me. I turn around.
Jonas is standing there with a smirk. “How was dinner? Anything good? Practice ran late, then I had to help Elias with his paper, so I’ll have to stop by the kitchen later.” He drops his workout bag on the floor and sits down on my bed. He looks exhausted, his blond curls are a mess, and there are dark circles under his gray eyes. He works too hard.
“Man, you missed the girls finding fresh meat to torture. I would almost feel bad, if she wasn’t Mother Cross’ granddaughter. She warned us off, and made her a pariah on her first day,” I explain. I am not someone to gossip, but I’m too pissed off to be my normal surly self. This girl is trouble. I just know it.
“Is she hot? Did she blow you off or something?” Jonas asks. “You seem awfully keyed up about the new girl.”
No. She’s nothing.His words make me more infuriated. “No, she’s the enemy. I don’t trust her. She’s a hazel-eyed temptress, and we are so close to getting everything we’ve ever wanted, Jonas—”
Jonas interrupts me, standing from the bed, and pulls me to him by the back of my neck. He kisses me hard, and I get lost in the feel of his lips against mine. I know he just wants to shut me up, and I groan. It’s up to me to resist temptation and protect them from her.
“Jonas,” I complain, pulling away from him. “I’m serious! Stay away from the new girl! She’s here to fuck up our initiation, I’m sure of it.”
Stomping out of the room, I grab my shit to take a cold shower. Between Jonas and Chastity, I’m rock hard. I enter the bathroom and slam the door, stripping my pants as I walk towards the shower. I grip my cock and give it a few strokes, biting my lip to keep quiet. I turn the cold water on and step in. Streams of ice touch my heated flesh, and it still doesn’t calm my dick down. How can my body react so viscerally to Jonas?
He’s been my best friend for years, and yeah, I love him. Even more since he stepped up to Milo and knocked him out for hurting me. I’m a six-foot-three linebacker, who can take out an entire football team on the field, but I got injured for shoving Milo. Jonas, who prefers swimming and punching the bag with me, and a kicker on the team, is the one who knocks Milo out. Still don’t understand how I tweaked my wrist just from a shove.
I turn the water to warm, remove the shower head and click the dial until the stream is punishing, then I place it under my cock, letting the jets massage my tip. I imagine a hot mouth sucking me down, and what it would look like to have Jonas on his knees for me. We have never gone that far, but fuck if I don't dream about it.
I moan loudly as I glide the water up and down. I’m already on edge, and I know this won’t take long. My knees go weak as I thrust into the hot stream. My balls tighten and I come hard, making a mess along my abs. I use the shower head to clean myself up and keep going. My dick is still rock hard and one orgasm isn't going to put the beast to sleep.
I close my eyes and keep stroking. I imagine what I would do if Jonas was still kissing me. I wrap my hand around the base and squeeze hard before placing the shower head once more along the ridge, whilst thrusting my hips faster and faster. This time a hazel-eyed temptress crosses my mind. But she's not touching me. She's touching Jonas as he sucks me down.
“Oh shit. Oh fuck,” I shout, as my balls empty all over the shower wall. I can hardly breathe as I pant, desperate to pull in air. My legs are weak and I drop down on my ass until I can regain feeling once more. I have never come that hard before, and if all it took was imagining Chastity and Jonas together, I wonder what it would be like in person.
No, I can’t think of things like that. She’s a Cross, and I need to keep an eye on her. Make sure she wasn’t sent here to derail our plans to join the Locked Souls.
