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I didn’t know what to say. I was barely breathing. As if on cue, the bacon started sizzling and I immediately spun, throwing the burned food into the sink instead.
“Fuck!” I roared, turning off the stove. Placing my hands against the counter, I gripped onto it, pissed as fuck by the turn of events.
When I felt hands gently rub my back, I froze.
“I’m sorry.” Her lips brushed along my spine, and it felt like she was digging a blade right into my skin.
“I don’t want to fight with you again. I know I haven’t shared anything with you about her. I hate talking about it. Just hurts too much.”
I blew out a deep breath.
“Can you please try to understand? I want to honor my promise to her, and I can’t do that unless I continue working at your bar. I swear to you that once I graduate, I’ll quit, okay? You won’t ever have to worry about me being near your father again.” She lightly kissed my back, turning me to face her. Peering deep into my eyes, she added, “Don’t be mad at me. I love you.”
“I’m not a fiddle, Peach. You can’t play me like one.”
“I’m not. I do love you, a lot. I didn’t want to tell you about my mom like this. I just needed you to understand why I’m so adamant on keeping my job.”
My intense gaze shifted to her eyebrow scar.
“Yeah.” She read my mind. “It’s from our—”
“If I agree to this than you need to promise me you’ll stay away from Billy. Are we clear?”
She frowned. “You don’t want to know what happened to my mom?”
“I don’t want to share sad stories.”
“But I want to hear yours. Is it about your mom or your past or is both?”
“My whole life has been one sad story, Haven.”
“What does that mean?”
Silence.
“Why can’t you be open with me?”
“I can’t go back in time and change anything. It is what it is.”
“At least I’d feel like I know. You don’t share shit with me, and I don’t understand why.”
“I’m a private man. It’s how I’ve survived. I don’t know how to open up to anyone. Especially you.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“The only thing that’s wrong with you, Peach. Is that you love me.”
Her eyes rimmed with tears. “Well, if it’s wrong than I don’t want to be right. Your dad can’t have this strong of a hold on you. There has to be another reason. Please stop pushing me away and just tell me what’s going on? It’ll fix everything.”
“No, sweetheart. It’ll shatter your entire world.”
Tears slid down her beautiful face.
I didn’t try wiping or kissing them away. I was the one who was causing her this pain, I deserved them every last one of them.
“Is this how it’s always going to be between us? You with your guard up?”
“Haven, I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you want.”
“You can! You just don’t want to.” She abruptly turned, facing away from me as if she couldn’t look at me anymore. “You’re the first person since…” Her chest heaved. “For ten years, I’ve felt like something inside of me died, and it did. For the first time in my life, you took away that feeling for me, and you just keep shitting all over it.”
Seeing her like this was breaking my goddamn heart. For a man who didn’t think he still had one, it was fucking devastating. Life could change so quickly. At too young of an age, I learned how to breathe through the pain until one day, it became part of me.
And now…
I didn’t know how to survive without it.
Twenty-Five
Haven
I loved this man, but I couldn’t for the life of me get him to truly be with me. I wanted to know about his past.
His mom.
His life...
However, he was adamant on maintaining his wall so high, I’d never be able to climb it. It was obvious it didn’t matter what I said or did to make him think he could be honest with me.
That he could trust me.
If anything, my words and actions were simply pushing him further away.
I was a patient girl, but I was starting to be at my wits end with him. There was no getting through to Hayes. No matter what.
He spun me to face him, grabbing the back of my neck to look at him.
“Hayes…” I tried to pull away. “Now I’m mad at you again.”
“Sweetheart, get used to it. It’s going to happen a lot.”
“Why do you have to be so difficult?”
“I’m sorry I can’t be the man you need and want. Trust me, it kills me to see you like this. I fucking hate it and knowing I’m the cause makes it even worse. I can’t change who I am. It’s how I’m made. Just give me some time, okay? Let me work through some shit. I promise you’ll be the first one I come to when I’m ready. Can you give me that?”
