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“Yes, I understand. I promise this won’t happen again. Can I please speak to him?”
“Give me a minute.” He faced me against his car. “I’m going to uncuff you. Now if you run, I’ll have no choice but to taser you down. Do you understand me?”
I nodded.
“Son, I need to hear you say it. Do you understand me?”
“Yes.”
After he took his cuffs off, he grabbed my head and sat me in the backseat of his car before handing me my phone. Quickly, he shut the door. This was the first time I’d been in the back of an officer’s vehicle, let alone a sheriff.
Taking her off speaker, I revealed, “Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, Mom? That’s what you have to say for yourself?”
I didn’t know what to reply, so I just stayed silent.
“Chase, what the hell are you doing? Selling drugs? I raised you better than that!”
I bowed my head, feeling like she just punched me in the stomach.
“Don’t think for one second that I’m not going to drug test you when we get home.”
“I’m not doing drugs.”
“Oh, so you’re just selling them then? I don’t know what’s worse.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? How could you do this to me? After everything we’ve been through? After everything you’ve seen with your father. Jesus, did he put you up to this? Are you selling for him?”
“No.”
“Chase… I know your father. If you’re lying for him—”
“I’m not.”
“Then where are you getting the drugs if not him?”
“The club.”
She loudly gasped, making me feel worse.
“You’re stealing them?”
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“What were you thinking? Why on earth are you—”
Unable to hold back, I yelled, “We needed the money to leave!”
She gasped again, immediately bursting into tears, breaking my heart even more.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. Please don’t cry. You know I hate it when you cry.”
If I didn’t think I could feel any worse, I was dead wrong. There were no words to describe what was I was going through.
“I was just doing it for us. I’m a man now. It’s my job to protect you.”
“Protect me? Chase, it was never your job to look after me.”
“Then who’s going to?”
“I can’t believe this. I never wanted you to feel like you had to be a man. You’re just a child.”
“A child? When was I a kid, Mom? When he was beating the shit out of you? Or when you were crying yourself to sleep with me in your arms? Which one of just those times in our shitty lives have I been a child?”
I’d never forget her bawling like this. I’d heard her cry hundreds of times, but it was never like this. I couldn’t hold back my anger, my despair, the pain and agony of growing up too fucking fast.
“I needed to step up because you wouldn’t do it! You wouldn’t leave him. No matter how many times I begged you to. You’d stay there like his lap dog that he could just shit all over whenever he wanted! What do you expect from me? I couldn’t watch it anymore! I can’t live in that house anymore! It’s filled with nothing but your tears and my screaming for him to stop hitting you!”
She broke down and still I didn’t stop.
I wish I did.
I’d do anything to take back everything I said to her, but I was too riled up. After years of standing by and watching her willingly take his abuse, I snapped at the wrong person.
“Do you think this is what I want? To sell fucking drugs? I hate doing this! I hate living this life! I could have done so much more with my life! I’m failing school! I have no friends! Everyone one in this shitty town thinks I’m nothing but Outlaw trash! I’m the son of a criminal and you’ve never batted an eye about it! Did you ever for one second think about me? About how much this would affect me? For what? So you can just be another one of his whores who begs him for attention?”
She bawled while I spit poison. “If I’m selling drugs, it’s because I love you enough to want better for you. Do you have any idea how many nights I prayed you’d do the same for me?”
“Chase…”
“I hate him! I’ve always hated him! And I fight every day of my life to not hate you too!”
“I’m so sorry, baby. I failed you,” was the last thing she said before my whole world came crashing down on top of my head.
In the blink of an eye, the sounds of metal and glass shattering, erupted on the other end of the phone. What followed could only be described as my worst nightmare come to life.
“Mom!” I screamed, feeling my heart explode out of my chest. “Mom!”
Her phone crashed on what sounded like the floor.
“Mom!”
The sheriff instantly opened my door. “What’s going on?”
