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He narrowed his eyes, looking at me with this visible desire to fall apart right there with me. Showing me a glimpse of the man, I’d known and loved all this time. His eyes searched my face, fighting an internal battle that was clearly raging war inside of him. Unfolding right in front of me.
He was the first to break our connection, unable to look at me any longer. His tormented gaze dropped to his boots as his hands dug into his hair, tugging at it like he wanted to rip it out.
The same way he was with my heart and soul.
He was bracing himself for something I had yet to grasp or understand. You know how people say your mind could protect itself from anything it thought could hurt it…
I never understood that statement until that very moment.
“Momma! I want my momma!”
Shouting…
Crying….
Blood…
So much blood.
Pain…
Darkness.
A funeral I’d never forget.
A goodbye I didn’t get.
A last I love you when it shouldn’t have been.
A future that was now tainted with the memory of her body flying out the window.
I spent years wondering why she forgot to put on her seatbelt. Her one mistake cost her children a life without their mother.
My eyes filled with tears, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.
“Hayes…”
It felt like an eternity before he finally looked my way through the slits of his eyes.
His stare.
Demeanor.
Aura.
It all reflected mine.
My lips parted, taking a deep breath though my gaze never shifted from his. I sucked in air, my body seizing up completely.
“Is it true?” I asked so low I could barely hear myself.
He didn’t move or say a word. He didn’t even blink.
My heart sped up, beating a mile a minute and I swear he could hear it. There was no way he couldn’t have, it echoed throughout the space between us.
“Just tell me the truth.”
Silence.
Nothing.
Not one reaction.
Each second that passed felt like hours, days, months had gone by.
“Please…”
Silence.
I began nodding uncontrollably as if I was answering my own questions. Biting down on my bottom lip, I bit it to the point of pain. Trying to feel anything other than the despair of the man I thought I knew. His expression never once wavered from a deep stillness and penetrating stare. Staring at me like I was hurting him as much as he was me.
His silence was deafening, like an array of tiny razor blades cutting into every last inch of my skin. I could feel him everywhere and all at once, even though not an inch of him was touching me.
From his lack of response, I became angry.
Spewing, “Why are you just standing there and still not telling me the truth!”
He shut his eyes just for a second murmuring, “I’m so fucking sorry, Haven,” while bowing his head in shame.
I placed my shaking hand over my heart, trying to steady my breathing and the desire to crumble to the ground in a fit of devastation for a past we couldn’t change.
The bar was caving in on me as my vision muddled, clouding everything around my vicinity, including him.
My lips began to quiver.
My chest started to heave.
Unleashing tears from my eyes, sending a steady stream down the sides of my face.
“Tell me!” I yelled, my body trembling uncontrollably.
He just shook his head back and forth. “Peach, I—” he said, looking back up at me with torment in his eyes.
“Answer my fucking question!”
He reached for me, but I shoved his hand away. I couldn’t feel him, it would destroy us in the end.
“What are you sorry for?”
“You know,” was all he said.
Before I knew what I was doing, my hands connected with his chest in a loud thud, repeatedly pounding into him.
“Teeny, calm down!” Jace ordered, but I didn’t listen.
I couldn’t.
My heart was breaking.
Shattering in front of everybody exactly how my brothers wanted.
I abruptly spun, glaring at him. “This is what you wanted, right, Jace? This is what you all came for? To break my fucking heart?!”
It was the first time I saw true agony travel through my brother’s eyes since our mother died. The day we buried her, they all became distant memories of who I grew up with. Everything changed. We lost ourselves in her memory.
“You couldn’t just let me be happy!” I yelled, feeling like my life was ending once again. “You couldn’t just let me have him! Why!”
“Teeny…” he tried to justify, “We’re just trying to protect you.”
“From what! Being in love? Being happy? Wanting to share my life with someone!”
“He’s no good for you!”
“Neither are any of you!”
“Haven,” Ledger interrupted. “Let us explain.”
“You’re no better! None of you are! You want to pretend like you did this for me when it’s bullshit! You didn’t do this for anyone, but yourselves! I’m not a little girl anymore and it kills you that you can’t control me! Why? Because you think I’ll end up dead just like her?”
