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I pause at the strain of vulnerability in his voice, but then I pull myself together. Screw that, marriage is nothing more than a business matter to him. Love isn’t even on the table. Hell, I’m not even sure the guy likes me. Either way, I’m certain he didn’t consider either of those things when he came up with his nutty plan.
“Oh, please, I didn’t hear a marriage proposal come out of your mouth. You’ve presented it to me as a done deal. You don’t even have the good sense to pretend to want me. You only chose me because, for some reason, I now happen to make a better wife than Roxie. I’m nothing but a clan transaction to you and you know it.”
He opens his mouth to argue, but I hold up my hand. “You can’t ignore me for years and then just up and decide that I’m going to be your wife, Lucian. And before you even bring it up, no, good sex won’t replace true love.”
He runs his hand through his hair.
His voice is low and controlled, as if he’s struggling to hold on to his temper. “What we have is a helluva lot more than good sex. I just used my belt on your ass. You think I do that with just anyone?”
I wave a hand dismissively. “Oh please, don’t even.”
His hand shoots out and firmly takes hold of my jaw. Drawing me toward him, I have no choice but to follow.
Eyes bleeding with something that looks close to regret, he says, “I’m sorry for the years I didn’t treat you right. I’m sorry I didn’t come to your aid in the cafeteria, and I’m sorry I said anything to make you think I don’t want you. You’ve been mine for a long time, long before I was man enough to admit it. I’ve denied us for years, but that’s over with. I want to marry you. Iwillmarry you. And yes, it happens to help our clans and my career, but those are secondary reasons.”
It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event when a man like Lucian apologizes for anything, much less three things in a row. In the past, I might have accepted it. Let’s be frank, I would’ve been all in before the cafeteria incident. But things have changed irrevocably, and there’s no way I can accept his offer.
I lick my lips slowly, considering my words.
“It’s too late,” I reply gently, almost tenderly because I understand his struggle.
His ambition means everything to him, and in this moment, I’m tied up in that ambition. I can appreciate the role reversal, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to buckle because he’s desperate to have me. My life has been dictated by men with their own best interests at heart, not mine. Lucian is just a repeat of the same pattern, and I’m done being a pawn in their games.
“It’s not,” he insists.
“Even if I wanted you, I don’t want this life.”
I do not want to be amafiewife, a woman who puts her husband’s needs above her own, who’s meant to breed children and nothing more, who has no identity of her own. I don’t want to end up like my mom, a woman drowning in grief over the loss of her husband and son because that’s all she has.
His fingers tighten around my chin. They glide down and grasp my throat and damn if that doesn’t melt my insides. I love his power moves; I crave them. He backs me up against the wall. The bas relief of the engravings on the wall scratches against my shoulders and upper back.
He pushes his thumb between my lips, pulls it out and then twists it, getting it nice and wet. He caresses my bottom lip a few times before he dips his head and kisses the corner of my mouth. So gentle for such a rough, intense guy.
“What we have is more than great fucking sex and you know it. Don’t deny what’s between us, Star.”
I close my eyes as he kisses me again, pressing deft fingers around my jaw, opening my mouth for the invasion of his tongue. He sucks and nips at my lips, breaking down my resistance. It would be so easy to slip into the spell he always manages to weave around me.
Then I feel his seed trickle out of my pussy and drip down my inner thigh. It jolts me back to reality.
What if I’m with child?
I’d be as tied to him as any marriage vow.
I break off our kiss and demand, “Did you purposely not use a condom?”
A gleam of light from the roof hits his face and I have my answer. If I hadn’t been watching carefully or if he’d been in shadow, I would’ve missed it. Damn him!
I twist my face away from him. “I won’t be manipulated or bullied into marrying you, Lucian.”
His hand slaps the sandstone wall beside my head. He breathes raggedly into my neck. “I want you. I’ll do whatever it takes to have you.”
I shove at his chest. “Get it through your thick head, it’s not up to you. It’smydecision and if you try to take it away from me, I’ll never forgive you.”
“I don’t need your forgiveness,” he growls. “I needyou.”
“Try forcing me into this and I swear, I’ll make your life a living hell. I’ll make it my job to punish you. Every. Single. Day. Are you willing to risk both our happiness? For the rest of our lives? Because there’s no such thing as divorce in our world.”
I look past him to the carvings on the wall, ancient hieroglyphs overlaid with graffiti carved in stone. The newer large Latin words clash against the older, worn Egyptian engraving. Our story is like that—what started out as mutual, childlike wonder has been marred by his obstinance.
