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“Stop it,” he orders.
Pretending I don’t know what he’s talking about, I reply, “What?”
“You’re thinking too hard with your big brain. No good comes of it for me. Stop plotting how to drive a wedge between us.”
“I am not,” I deny with a pout.
He stops stroking my hair and flips us until I’m beneath him and he’s tucked between my open thighs with my skirt riding up to make way for his bulky torso.
“Don’t lie to me.” He strokes my hair again. “Precious, I’m not going to hurt you again, I swear it on my father’s grave.”
“Even if I was stupid enough to believe you, you’re still hurting me by not letting me go.”
The silver luster in his eyes morph into a dark steely gray. “It’s for your security. Nothing comes before your safety.Nothing.”
“Not even my happiness?” I throw back at him.
“Who the hell guaranteed us happiness? Do you think I’m happy waking up at the ass crack of dawn to go to a school I hate after working through the night to solidify my position in my clan? But I do it because I have no choice.”
I shove at his chest until he lifts off me, although I can’t help but miss his heat and the satisfying weight of him on me.
I scramble to a sitting position and tap my chest. “I want to be happy. I don’t want to spend my life fulfilling other people’s expectations of me, like I have up till now. I don’t want to marry a man I didn’t choose. Have kids way too early. Let my mind rot from disuse because I don’t go to college.”
His eyes lift upward. “You can go to college. I’d be thrilled to support you. I’d pay for it.”
I point a finger at him. “Oh my God, that’s what I’m talking about. I don’t need your permission or your money. It shouldn’t be your decision whether I go to college. That should be my prerogative and mine alone.”
My chest is heaving from the rapid escalation between us. Frustration swirls within me like a maelstrom, a twisted ball of anger at him and resentment of themafieculture I’m trapped in.
He scrubs the scruff around his jaw; his gaze pierces me. “I was just trying to be supportive. Why does everything deteriorate so quickly with you?”
I break our staring contest and glance out the window, concentrating on the shivering blossoms on the branch outside my window. The creamy-white clusters of flowers look like delicate puffs of lace.
Once I’ve wrangled my emotions back under control, I take a deep breath and say, “Years of bullying can do that to a girl—”
He lets out a deep sigh. “Fuck, are you ever going to get over that?”
I glide my tongue over the front tooth that was bonded after being chipped.
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly.
There’s always been a special bond between us, but our story is not like Marku and Crina’s story. Everyone and their mother can see that he’s loved her for years, whereas Lucian really was my bully. For whatever reason, he’s decided he wants me. He might even care for me, but the truth is that I’ll have to sacrifice everything for him. Tatum was my rock for nearly my whole life and look how that worked out for me. No, the only person I can depend on is myself.
“Regardless, I can’t let you go.”
His voice is soft. No longer angry, just tinged with frustration. He reaches out and brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes. He does that nowadays, leaving lingering touches here and there. His finger sweeps across my cheekbone before dropping away.
“One of the reasons I bullied you was because I couldn’t admit how I felt about you, but I’ve finally accepted it and knowing you feel the same way—”
He holds up a palm to stop me as I open my mouth to argue and continues, “Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, I can’t let you go. I’d never forgive myself if anything should happen to you. I barely survived my father’s death. I won’t survive yours.”
Ignoring the nonsense he spewed about not surviving my death, he’s spoken some profound words. There’s so much to examine, and my curiosity, my intense desire to dive deep, prods me to ask,what do you mean you barely survived?But I stop myself. He always gets me with his vulnerability. Those moments of tenderness between us weaken me.
Snap out of it, girl. You can’t afford to fall for him.
Concentrating on my hands, which are clasped tightly together and thrust in the gap between my crisscrossed legs, I ask, “And once the danger has passed? Will you let me go then?”
There’s a long, heavy pause.
