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But Janessa’s hope was her hope. That Jay would clear everything up so that they could all begin to move past whatever had happened to send him down the path that had taken him away from them.
~*~
“Are you sure that you’re okay to hang out here for a bit?” Jay asked Will.
“I’m positive. Pey and I will start to unpack his stuff.”
In anticipation of bringing Peyton back with him, before he’d left, Jay had cleared all his stuff out of the second bedroom in his apartment, leaving only the double bed. Jay had the bed in case one of his brothers or Will wanted to stay the night. The room had been a place where he’d stored some of his sports equipment and clothes he didn’t use frequently.
Before leaving, he’d moved everything to his room, then had vacuumed and changed the sheets on the bed. It wasn’t much of a room for a little boy, but it was all he had at the moment.
“Do you care where we put stuff?” Will asked.
“Nope. As long as it’s put away neatly.”
“Well, we shall certainly try to put everything neatly, but we both know that my definition of neat and yours are two different things.”
“Just try your best,” Jay said. “That’s all I ask.”
Will rolled his eyes. “Yes, Dad.”
“I don’t think I’ll be too late.”
“No rush,” Will assured him. “We’ll be fine.”
Jay’s initial instinct had been to contact Misha when he arrived back, but since his parents had made the trip home from Haiti specifically out of concern for him, he needed to talk with them first. His stomach was in knots as he imagined the conversation to come.
“Peyton,” Jay said as he stepped into the doorway of the bedroom. The little boy had gone there in search of his favorite stuffed animal. “I’m going to leave for a little while, but Will’s going to hang out here, and you guys can unpack your stuff.”
“All of it?” Peyton asked, clutching a large bear in his arms.
“Yep. All of it.” Jay knew his apartment wasn’t an ideal place for a child, but he wasn’t going to rush into buying a house just yet. “If you need places to put stuff, we’ll go out tomorrow and buy it.”
“Okay.”
Jay went to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, reaching out to pull Peyton closer to him. “I know all of this is new andyou might be scared, but it’s going to be okay. You just need to tell me how you’re feeling and if you need anything. I’ve never had a little boy around before, so I might not know what you need. But if you tell me, I’ll try to get it for you. Okay?”
Peyton nodded. “I miss Mommy.”
“I know you do, buddy.”
The boy had become quieter and quieter the further they’d driven away from Idaho Falls. Jay had tried to get him to talk about what he was feeling, but the boy had been resistant to conversation.
Since arriving in Serenity, his smiles had been a rarity, and the previous night had been the worst so far, with lots of tears and a flash of anger that Jay hadn’t seen from him before.
Jay tugged the boy and his bear into his arms for a hug. Peyton held himself stiffly and didn’t return the hug, so Jay didn’t continue to hold him.
As he left the apartment a short time later, Jay realized he’d been much like Peyton when he’d first arrived in the Halversons’ home. He hadn’t wanted their love and affection. Hadn’t wanted to feel their arms around him. The only person’s hugs he’d wanted had been his mom’s, but she hadn’t been there.
He’d been angry too. However, he’d been a few years older than Peyton, so he’d been able to hide his feelings better. Plus, he’d had Janessa to take care of. It had been one of the last requests his mom had made of him.
The Halversons had been lavish with their love, giving him and Janessa constant hugs and kisses. All of that had, over time, helped him feel like he was truly welcome there, rather than just tolerated. That he had a forever home with them.
That’s what he hoped to convey to Peyton. He might not have been there for the first several years of his life, but the boy wasn’t unwelcome. Their new relationship would take some time to strengthen, and Jay knew that the heartache Peyton was experiencing was new and confusing for him. Hopefully, time and love would help bring the little boy a feeling of security and acceptance the way it had for him.
As he drove to his family home, Jay found himself on a route that would take him past the gym. It was a little earlier than he usually met Misha there, but he couldn’t keep from turning into the parking lot. When he saw her car, he pulled into a spot and stared through the glass windows, trying to see her.
He spotted her on the treadmill, and all he wanted to do was to go inside and see her. The heaviness of his heart lifted just a little to see her there, continuing something they’d started together.
