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The only problem was, there seemed to be no end in sight. With a workout, he knew when it would be over, or he could call it quits when his body had nothing left to give.
He had to keep going, despite his exhaustion, because giving up wasn’t an option. Peyton needed him to push on, no matter how much he might want to throw in the towel.
One day at a time.
The view he’d once had for his future had narrowed down to just getting through the next twenty-four hours. He hoped that one day, they’d be past this rough patch. Right then, however, that hope felt a little futile.
With a sigh, he straightened and blew out a long breath. He needed to switch gears for the moment and focus on his job. It was about the only thing he was doing well at the moment. Keeping that up felt especially important right then.
He was just getting out of the car when Gareth’s vehicle pulled up next to his. Opening the back door of the SUV, Jay grabbed his work bag and the one with his lunch in it. These days, he was bringing sandwiches instead of salads because he had no time to prepare the salad in the mornings.
“Doing okay?” Gareth asked when he joined him near the back door of the office.
Jay gave him a look that made Gareth wince.
The man lifted a hand. “Sorry about that.”
If there was one thing he’d stopped doing, it was telling everyone he was fine or that things were okay. Didn’t do him much good since it was pretty clear thatnothingabout his life was okay, and he wasanythingbut fine.
“How is Peyton doing?”
“Still angry with me, though thankfully he’s okay with Charli and seems to really like Layla.”
“I’m sure he’s a confused little boy.”
There was no doubt of that in Jay’s mind. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to make it less confusing for him. Though he didn’t wish Amberlyn dead, it would have made it easier if Peyton didn’t know that his mom had chosen to give him away, but rather that she had left him through no fault of her own.
Jay had a feeling that Peyton was going to deal with the emotional ramifications of that for a very long time.
“As long as he thinks I took him from his mom, he’s going to hate me,” Jay said as he unlocked the back door.
“I reached out to a doctor in Coeur d’Alene to see if he had a recommendation for a child psychologist.”
“Really?”
“I thought perhaps you could use a referral or two for someone to help Peyton.”
Jay wanted to argue that he could deal with it himself, but that was as much a lie as him saying he was fine. “Let me know what he says.”
“Will do.”
Jay dropped his things in his office, then went to the breakroom to get a cup of coffee. He now drank at least two cups of the brew each day since he was sleeping lousy most nights. And without regular workouts, he had no way to completely exhaust himself anymore.
Gareth was already there, prepping the machine, which meant that they had to wait a few minutes before the coffee would be ready for them. The knot in Jay’s stomach tightened the longer he had to hang around the breakroom, knowing that Misha would be there soon.
If at all possible, Jay stayed out of her way so that she could do her job without having to deal with him. He cherished every glimpse he got of her, but since he doubted the feeling was mutual, he tried to keep out of her sight.
“You can have the first cup,” Gareth told him, gesturing to the carafe.
Jay assumed that Gareth knew he preferred to be in his office before Misha arrived. After grabbing his mug, he pulled the carafe out, which paused the stream of coffee, filled his mug, then put it back.
“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”
When he made it to his office before Misha arrived, Jay breathed a sigh of relief. They’d survived their first week in the office since he’d talked to her the previous weekend. He couldn’tsay it had been easy, but he’d tried his best to make it less stressful for Misha. Or at least as less stressful as was possible in their current situation.
A short time later, he heard the sound of female voices and looked out his open door to the hallway. There was pretty much no chance that she’d come to his office.
It was moments like these that his regret over how he’d handled everything was the greatest.
