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It took them awhile to get everything cleaned up, and Charli came down to check on them just as they were finishing up.
“Good job, you two,” she said, giving them both a smile. “Now let’s go eat pizza.”
Jay followed them up the stairs, trying not to let the feeling that someone—two someones, actually —were missing, eat at him. He wondered how long it would take before he didn’t feel their absence so keenly.
Part of him hoped that he never lost that feeling because that would mean his love for Misha had faded. Right then, though he knew it would be easier, he didn’t want that.
There was a teeny, tiny part of him that was holding onto the hope that she might be willing to try again once things settled down for him and Peyton. He couldn’t let it be more than that small part of him, however, just in case it took longer than he’d hoped, and she moved on.
The thought made him feel sick, but he had no right to demand that she wait for him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Misha hadn’t been sure about going to church that Sunday. She and her mom had talked about trying one of the other churches in town, but neither of them really wanted that. So far, they’d enjoyed the services at the Halversons’ church, and the idea of going to a church where they didn’t know anyone held no appeal.
She’d gone to see Jay on Friday, just to test the waters between them. Though she hadn’t been actively avoiding Jay, their paths hadn’t crossed much. Given the size of the clinic, that likely meant that Jay had been staying out of her way.
That realization should have hurt, but she had a feeling that he was doing it as much for her as for himself.
Jay had looked so tired on Friday, and Misha wished it was her right to offer him comfort and support. She missed him terribly, but she knew there was no place for her in Jay’s life.
Since they’d been able to hold a civil conversation, Misha thought maybe it would be fine to continue to attend the same church as him. For her, the worst part of going was the memory of the services they’d attended together.
But she’d survived going to the gym, where they’d made alotof memories, both as friends and after they were in a relationship. It had been hard, but she was determined to continue her efforts to get into better shape. Jay had put a lot of time and effort into helping her, and she didn’t want him to have wasted that time by giving up on what he’d taught her.
So if she could handle seeing Jay at work and going to the place they’d spent a lot of time together, she could handle attending the same church as him.
“Ready to go, Mom?” Misha asked as she walked downstairs with Ciara.
“Yep.” Her mom peered at her with a frown. “You’re sure about this?”
“I am. It’ll be fine.”
“I hope so. I just want you to be happy.”
Misha tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it felt weak. “I’m okay. Probably not happy just at the moment, but I’ll get there.”
She and her mom had had plenty of conversations about the situation with Jay over the past week. But all the talking in the world wouldn’t change her current situation.
“Let’s go,” she said, grabbing the keys from the hook near the door.
Her mom picked up the diaper bag and followed her out of the townhouse, locking the door behind them. It was a beautiful day. Perfect weather for a hike.
But she wouldn’t be taking advantage of it. Hiking was something she hadn’t done since the one time she’d gone with Jay and the others. The closest thing she’d done to hiking had been walking around the neighborhood with her mom and Ciara. She hadn’t even considered going hiking on her own, since she didn’t feel completely safe wandering the trails alone, even in a place like Serenity.
When they reached the church, Eva waylaid her mom, so Misha continued on to the nursery with Ciara.
“Hi, Misha.” Skylar greeted her with a smile and a quick hug. “Hi, Ciara.”
Ciara didn’t hesitate to go to the teen. The baby had no idea what was going on in her mom’s life, and she clearly still loved all the Halversons. Not that Misha didn’t love them too, but she held more of herself back than Ciara did. She appreciated that Skylar didn’t ask how she was doing.
After signing Ciara in, Misha left the nursery and headed for the sanctuary, hoping she could make it to a seat without running into Jay. They might have talked at the clinic, but she wasn’t really keen to have a conversation with him out in public.
As she walked into the sanctuary, it was like her gaze was metal and Jay was a magnet, because without hesitation, she found him standing off to the side with Will, a couple of his siblings, and a young boy. He glanced over as she stood there, and their gazes met and held.
The ache from missing him intensified, and she wished that it was still her right to walk over to him. To have him put his arm around her and to lean into his side. To be surrounded by the light scent of the cologne he wore.
He gave her a small smile before his attention dropped to the boy at his side. Peyton. The boy looked so small standing next to Jay and maybe a little lost judging by the way he was looking around with wide eyes.
