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“Are you okay? Why does it sound like you’ve been crying? Is everything alright?” he questioned me.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “What do you want?”
Despite his inability to understand precisely where I’d been when it came to how things were going in our marriage, Tom knew I wasn’t being truthful. “You don’t sound fine. What happened?”
“That’s no longer your concern,” I answered, deciding that it was probably best not to lie. I wanted this phone call to end, and trying to deny what he already knew was the case wouldn’t help that happen.
An audible sigh came through the line. “I know you don’t think it was or is the case, but I care about you, Dakota. I never wanted any of this.”
I never wanted it, either. But where I felt I tried to make that known by doing all that I could see to it that we didn’t wind up where we were now, I didn’t believe he put in the same effort.
My throat grew painfully tight as even more emotions came bubbling to the surface. “This is where we are, though. So, again, I’ll ask you to tell me what it is that you called me for?”
The silence stretched between us. It went on for so long, I was convinced that Tom had either forgotten why he called, or he decided he didn’t want to share whatever it was any longer.
Eventually, he spoke in a hushed voice. “I miss you. I thought maybe we could get together and talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you. Our marriage is over, Tom. I’ve accepted that, and I’m sure your family is thrilled about it. You’re the only one that seems to be unable to understand this. It’s time you accept it and move on.”
“You don’t love me anymore?” he asked. The hurt was beyond evident in his tone.
Hearing him like that, I nearly faltered. I mean, I was already in a heightened emotional state. But then I took a moment to think about it all. The only reason I wound up in the position I did today was because of him.
If he’d stood up for me just once in front of his family, it was likely I’d still have been married and living in the house we’d shared together. I wouldn’t have locked myself away in a cabin three hours north of the place I’d called home. I definitely wouldn’t have wound up snowshoeing by myself today only to end up in a near-death experience with a bison.
Maybe there hadn’t been an actual attack, but if my neighbor hadn’t shown up, there was no telling what might have happened.
So, this was on Tom.
He couldn’t call me two months after I’d made the decision to officially end things so that I’d no longer have my heart broken, only to try to make it seem like I was the one who didn’t care about him.
Suddenly, I was feeling very, very angry.
“You stopped loving me a long time ago,” I fired back.
He had the audacity to sound flabbergasted when he returned, “How can you say that?”
“How can you not know that?” I countered.
He sighed again, a clear sign he was growing more and more frustrated. A sign he didn’t like that he had to accept any blame for where we were now.
“It was complicated, Dakota,” he reasoned. “I’m not saying that things with my family were the best, but they would have eventually come around.”
“I’m glad you feel that way, but I’m sorry to say, that wasn’t good enough for me,” I replied. “Things with your family weren’t just complicated, either. They were hell. And when you couldn’t be bothered to stand up to them for me, I realized they’d always come first. But let’s be honest. This isn’t just about your family. There was a whole lot more going on between us that led us to this place. The bottom line is, I deserved to be your priority the same way you were my priority. But again, I’m not sure why we’re even discussing this, because I’ve already explained it to you.”
Tom didn’t miss a beat. “I’ve given you some time. I thought by now you’d be willing to sit down and talk reasonably. I thought you’d want to reconcile.”
He couldn’t be serious. I’d been struggling for weeks now, going to extreme lengths to heal from our failed marriage and to forget about the hurt he caused. And he believed I just needed time to cool off.
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Why not?”
Now, it was my turn to be frustrated. Frustrated and angry. “Idivorcedyou, Tom. That should be your first clue. I made a major life decision when I agreed to marry you. I did it again when I decided to file for divorce. If you knew anything about me, you’d know that once I make up my mind, I’m not going to change it. Now, I’ve got to go.”
“Dakota, wait—”
“No, Tom. No. This conversation is done. We are done. Please don’t contact me again,” I ordered.
