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And suddenly, it all made sense to me. The look I’d seen on her face before that I couldn’t quite read, the one that seemed to be a mix of more than one thing, was devastation.
I didn’t know what it was from—I wasn’t sure it mattered—but if that was her current mindset, there was nothing I was going to be able to do in this moment to soften her icy personality.
If I had to guess, this wasn’t about me or the fact that she mistakenly thought I was the owner of the bison. This was about something that had nothing to do with what happened today.
It wasn’t my place to demand an explanation, either.
So, without giving her a chance to respond, I turned around and walked away, even if everything inside me wanted to stay and help her.
* * *
It had been three days since I met Dakota.
Three whole days of being unable to focus on much of anything else besides her. Sure, I’d gone out to take care of my animals. I’d chopped down wood, too.
But no matter how much I tried to distract myself with other tasks, I wasn’t able to stop thinking about her.
What made it even worse was that ever since I’d left her standing at her open front door days ago, I hadn’t seen her outside once. In any other case, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. She’d been here for two months, and I’d rarely caught glimpses of her.
But after what had happened with the bison and the conversation the two of us had had shortly afterward, I had been hoping to see her out. I didn’t like knowing that there was this awkward tension between us.
And that was a whole other issue.
Because beyond knowing her name and how long she lived here, I didn’t know anything about this woman.
I shouldn’t have cared that there was tension between us.
It shouldn’t have bothered me that I hadn’t seen her for days.
She should have merely been a woman I’d helped when she needed it, and nothing more.
But I was too curious. Or, perhaps I was simply too captivated by her.
I laughed at myself. I knew it wasn’t either one of those things. While they were certainly part of it, there was no question it was more than that for me.
There was more going on there with her. She was suffering, and that was something I couldn’t force myself to ignore.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know what to do.
I’d lost my desire for a lot of things about three years ago. Eventually, I got to a point where life got a little easier for me, but a lot of the determination I felt in certain aspects of my life was still missing.
It wasn’t until three days ago that anything or anyone had affected me as profoundly as seeing Dakota standing outside face-to-face with that bison had.
And now, I was struggling, because I couldn’t continue on like this. Dakota had been consuming my thoughts, and it wasn’t lessening as the days passed.
I needed to figure out a way to communicate with her today, but there was no question it was going to be a bit challenging.
Seeing how upset she’d been that day stirred something up inside me. A desperate need to help. I wasn’t exactly the kind of guy who sat back and did nothing when I thought I could be of use. But given the way she reacted to me, I realized I couldn’t just walk back up to her front door and ask her once more if she was okay. I wasn’t so much of a fool that I’d intrude on someone’s personal life when they’d already made it clear they wanted nothing to do with me.
Maybe that was the problem.
For the first time in years, I felt something that had been missing from my life. Desire? Interest? I wasn’t quite sure what to call it, but I knew it was too powerful to ignore, and it was all because of her.
So, I had to figure out a way to approach that wouldn’t make it seem as though I was a creep who couldn’t take a hint.
I’d finished up outside with the animals and had just gotten out of the shower when a knock came at my door.
As I quickly pulled on a pair of pants and a sweatshirt, I took a moment to think about who it could be. I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I also knew that it wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibility for one of the girls to stop in. Based on who was here last week, I was willing to bet I’d open the door and find Jessa there.
