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Because that girl was long gone. I was no longer going to sit around accepting something from a guy that didn’t make me feel good.
Shaking my head, I clarified, “No, Jack. I meant, I can’t dothis.” I pointed between the two of us, hoping he’d understand what I meant. Then, I continued, “I can’t do this with you, and I really need you to go now. I truly appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I promise I’ll replace the wood you loaned me, but there can’t be anything else between us.”
For several long moments, Jack simply stared at me. Something resembling pain and anguish moved through him before he begged, “Please tell me you’re one of those people that’s really good at practical jokes.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”
“I don’t understand what happened,” he said. After giving my calf a gentle squeeze, he added, “And what happened to your leg? How did you get hurt?”
“I whacked it on the corner of your bed frame,” I shared, figuring it might be best to answer his questions, so he would leave.
His fingers held my leg firmly as his thumb began to stroke along the side of my calf. “How did you manage to do that?”
As much as I loved the way his gentle touch felt, I needed to stay strong. So, I yanked my leg away from him, too. That move caught him completely off guard, and his hurt, confused expression was pinned on me again.
“I did it when I scrambled to get out of your bed, so I could come home,” I explained.
“Why? I got out of the shower, and you were gone,” he remarked.
And someone else was already there to take my place,I thought.
“I know about them,” I told him.
“What?”
My emotions bubbled to the surface. Regret and humiliation took center stage, but I had no choice other than to give him the details. “I’ve known about the women for a long time now, but I got caught up in the moment and chose to forget about them. I allowed myself to be so consumed by you and all that you were doing to make me feel so good that I chose to believe it was real. I chose to believe that I was important and special. And I chose to forget that they existed.”
Jack had the audacity to look at me like I’d lost my mind. He proved I was right in that assessment when he replied, “I’m so confused.”
Of course.
I should have known.
For years, I’d been manipulated into thinking that everything was my fault, that I was the one overreacting. I’d been made to feel as though it was my own actions that led me to where things had gone wrong in my marriage. It would only make sense that the same thing would happen here. I started to wonder if I had a sign flashing on my forehead that only the men I was having romantic interactions with could see.
“I can’t do it, Jack,” I said. “I can’t be part of that whole charade.”
“What are you talking about? What charade?” he asked.
The sound of frustration in his tone was undeniable, but it was the sheer desperation I heard that, if I had not already been sitting, would have had the power to bring me to my knees.
God, he sounded utterly broken, because even if he claimed to not know what I was so upset about, there was no way he didn’t know where this conversation was heading.
I couldn’t be swayed by that vulnerability he was showing me, though. I couldn’t allow myself to be fooled into agreeing to something that I knew I truly couldn’t handle.
I had to stay strong, and I decided it was best to be blunt about it.
So, I declared, “I’m not a woman who can share a man I’m with, even if I know that we aren’t officially together and that we’ll never officially be together. But that’s on me. I don’t blame you; I knew what I was doing, even if it doesn’t seem that way now.”
“Dakota, I don’t have the slightest clue as to what is going on with you right now,” he said, his voice oddly gentle.
I didn’t want him speaking to me with that tone. It was too sweet, and I’d be no match for it. I wanted him angry and frustrated. I would have preferred he’d just listened to me from the moment he got here and left already, but since he hadn’t gone, I absolutely did not need him to pretend to be the nice guy any longer.
Tipping my head to the side, I looked at him and offered a half-hearted smile. As upset as I was, I thought he should know that I wasn’t going to hold a grudge against him. “I know how things work with you. It’s… fine. I knew since I moved into this cabin what you liked, and I didn’t let that stop me from doing what I did with you today. That’s on me. I don’t blame you, and it’s not your fault, but it’s just something I can’t do.”
“Sweetheart, I feel like you’re talking in circles,” Jack said. “Nothing you’re saying makes any sense.”
I couldn’t handle him calling me sweetheart. He couldn’t do that. Because I wanted that. I wanted that to be mine, and I knew I’d never have it the way I wanted it.
