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He wanted to get back on track.
God, I hoped he meant that.
I cut Jack a piece of pie, put it on a plate, and held it out to him. I was a mess of nerves and didn’t have much of an appetite, but I thought it might help to break any lingering tension if I ate a piece with him. So, I cut one for myself, and then I watched as Jack took his first bite.
He groaned, as I’d learned he did whenever he ate a dessert I’d made. “This is probably my favorite thing you’ve made so far.”
“Really?” I asked.
Jack took another bite. “Definitely,” he confirmed after he chewed and swallowed it.
As we both took a few bites, Jack and I didn’t talk about what happened between us earlier today. I couldn’t say for sure what it was that kept him quiet, but for me, it was about prolonging the time I had him here.
Sure, he’d said he wanted us back on track, and he had said that this pie was his favorite dessertso far, but I was in a place where I just didn’t want to make any more assumptions about where things were for him. I would wait until he came out and told me specifically with his own words where he wanted things to be with us.
Eventually, after Jack finished his piece of pie and cut himself a second, I decided it was time for me to share what I needed to share.
My gaze on him, I said, “I’ve always wanted a family of my own.”
Jack tipped his head to the side, and a curious look washed over his face. It was clear to me that he hadn’t been expecting those words.
Despite his surprise, it was also evident that he wanted to hear what I had to say.
So, I said, “The night you cooked dinner for me, I told you about my parents not being in my life and how I lived with my grandma. After she died, the only person I had was Waverly. And as time passed, I always had this overwhelming desire to have a family of my own. I wanted to have people who would always be there, who would love me, and who I could love back.”
“I think that’s something we all want in life,” Jack replied. “And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
“I know. But when you make stupid decisions because you’re so desperate for it, there’s definitely something wrong with that,” I noted.
There was a beat of silence before Jack asked, “What happened?”
He wanted to know about Tom.
I was going to tell him, because I didn’t think I had anything to hide and because I believed that if Jack was going to give me the opportunity to clear the air, there was no better time to make that happen.
“It wasn’t always bad,” I started. “In the beginning, everything seemed normal. It even seemed as though his family was putting in some effort. But I quickly learned that wasn’t the case at all. Once Tom proposed and they realized we were going to be married, everything changed. They never wanted me with him. They wanted him with his ex. They still do. And despite all the warning signs they all gave me, including him, I still made the foolish decision to go through with the wedding because I was that desperate for some kind of permanent connection to someone.”
I paused a moment, took in a deep breath, and let it out. Then, I continued, “I kept telling myself that it would get better. Heck, Tom insisted it would get better. He knew there was quite the wedge between his family and me, but he never stepped up and did anything about it. He never defended me, and he never took a stand against them on my behalf. Things deteriorated between us in other areas of our marriage, where he stopped making me feel like I was of any importance to him. He was quick to blame me for a lot of things, and he seemed frustrated with me more often than not after we got married. If the car had an issue, it was my fault. If I got sick, he still expected me to perform all the normal household chores. No matter what it was, if I called him or tried to speak to him at all when he was in the middle of something else, he always made me feel like I was bothering him. It was this past Christmas that I finally realized I was setting myself up for a lifetime of heartache if I didn’t do something about it. I wasn’t getting the family I wanted being with Tom, and his lack of care or concern for me as his wife took center stage in my mind, so I took Waverly’s advice and used that as the last bit of encouragement I needed to look out for myself. I filed for divorce and came out here.”
Jack wore a sympathetic look on his face. “I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, and I hate that you haven’t gotten what you’ve been searching for in your life.”
“Yeah, me too,” I told him. “You were right.”
“About what?”
“When I came here, I promised myself that I wasn’t going to do this again,” I began again. “I told myself that I was going to find a way to be happy on my own. It was time to give up the dream of having a family, because I don’t want to constantly feel hurt when I don’t get it.”
Something that looked a lot like understanding washed over him. “It makes sense now.”
My brows pulled together, silently questioning him.
“The reason you reacted the way you did when you saw Hailee turn down the driveway,” he explained.
My shoulders fell and heat hit my cheeks. “I’m so embarrassed, Jack. I was so wrong to make assumptions about the women that were coming to your place. I’m really, really sorry about that.”
“It’s okay,” he insisted. “And I think it shows me two things about you.”
“Two things?” I repeated tentatively.
