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"So, the fact that Steve isn't around here anymore is kind of funny. That's too bad. I mean, he is a nice guy and kind of cute,too. I guess you could say a lot of the other girls found him cute,anyway," I say, trying to drop some hints about being at least kind of attracted to him, just to gauge his reaction.
Derek had been busy opening a loaf of bread. But he sets it down on the counter and turns to look at me suspiciously.
"Other girls may have found him attractive but I hope you don't. Trust me when I say that he's off pursuing his football career and probably hooking up with a bunch of different cheerleaders as we speak.”
My stomach sinks when he says this, and I want to ask him how he knows, but I can’t, because that could give me away. So, I say nothing and will myself to keep listening, even though I feel like I might actually throw up now— and not due to pregnancy nausea.
“Don’t get me wrong— Steve is a great football player and all that, but he's definitely not boyfriend material for my little sister. You deserve the best of all the guys out there and I don't think Steve is that for you," Derek continues.
He goes back to making his sandwich. I don’t say anything, but my heart is pounding so loudly in my chest that I wonder if he can hear it.
"That’s insane, you having a crush on Steve," he comments, then laughs.
It seems that he thinks it’s a funny joke. A schoolgirl crush that will never amount to anything.
He finishes making his sandwich and then takes his food to the living room, still laughing at his remark. He leaves all the ingredients spread out on the counter, and usually I’d probably put them away for him, but today I consider just leaving them there.
I'm slightly upset and disappointed by those words. I can't believe I was so foolish enough to let this happen. I could kick myself for getting myself into this situation but what can I do?
Logic dictates that I should end the pregnancy, but my heart keeps telling me to keep it— even after what my brother just said about Steve.
Even though I just found out about its existence, it seems I've already formed an attachment to the baby growing inside me. I guess Derek’s right— I must really be insane.
I realize that if I’m so determined to have this baby, which is an ill-advised plan, I’ll have to figure out how I'm going to do it, because Derek won’t be the only person who thinks I’m crazy once I start showing.
The whole world will think I’ve gone mad, having my brother’s best friend’s baby after just a one-night stand. But then again, I remind myself, there’s no reason they have to know it’s his.
There’s no reason evenhehas to know it’s his, I decide.
Sure, most parents would want to know they’re going to be a parent but this could only get in the way of his budding football career. What Steve doesn’t know won’t hurt him. It will probably be what’s best, I decide. Especially if he’s the womanizer that Derek makes him out to be.
If he doesn’t know he’s the father, then it won’t interfere with his football careerorhis chances with the cheerleaders.
I feel like I might vomit again, so I decide to do something useful despite my anger. Maintaining order of my surroundings is what I do when I can't control the outcome of life in general, and today is no exception.
So, I clean up all the remains of my brother's meal, putting the lunch meat and condiments back into the refrigerator and placing the bread in its place on the shelf in the pantry. The smell of the food makes me a little nauseous, so I'm careful to work quickly.
Once I put everything away, I go upstairs to my room to lay down.
I really need to think about this and plan it out.
I'm still determined to go to school but that might be out of the question, at least for a while after the baby comes.
Maybe I can just go for as long as I can before this pregnancy thing gets too difficult for me to handle.
I still can’t believe I actuallyampregnant, and to Steve, no less.
I shut my eyes and beg the universe to let me fall asleep, because my brain hurts from thinking so much. But my heart is still sure that I want to have this baby, one way or another.
Chapter 6 – Steve
I'm in the locker room at the stadium, getting ready for practice. It's been overa month since I've gotten here and all I can do is think about Bella.
I know I should be hooking up with all the hot cheerleaders here. They’re practically throwing themselves at me. That's what I'd normally be doing and there have been plenty of opportunities, but no matter what I do, I just can't focus on anyone else other than Bella.
I've always been a player but that seems to have changed now. I can't seem to think about any other woman because Bella is constantly on my mind.
Things were different before because even though I’d lusted after Bella, I’d never thought I actually stood a chance with her. But now that I’ve had her, I’m hooked.
