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“Yes, of course!” I yell at the door. I touch my uncontrolled hair, pushing it aside. I strive to make a professional impression on the people I meet, but I’ve been a mess today.
Ignas walks into my office, and he blushes when he sees Smolyakov. It takes the men a couple of minutes until they notice that I’m there, too. “Oh, hey, Ms. Lin. How are you doing today?”
“I’m fine. Take your seat, please. Smolyakov. Go. Now.”
“Bye,” my friend says. He winks at Ignas, and I’m horrified. My patient’s eyes stalk Smolyakov as he exits my office.
“Ms. Lin, you’re different today,” Ignas comments as I take my seat across from him. “What did you do?”
“Nothing.” I smile at him. I open my notepad, placing it on my lap. “Nothing special.”
“No, you didn’t!” Ignas gasps. “Ms. Lin, come on. You said that this was a space of honesty.”
I don’t know why, but I start sobbing. Coffee and the constant recollection of what happened ruined my day.
“Hey, now. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Did somebody hurt you? I’m sure Smolyakov has some shooters on speed dial,” Ignas comments. He approaches me, and I let him. With a similar story as Fylox, Kamila’s boyfriend, Ignas comes with a lot of baggage. He’s more than ten years younger than me. I’ve been treating him for years now, but I open up to him on some days.
Unprofessional. I know.
“I’m sorry. I’m having a bad day,” I tell my patient. I’m positively losing it.
“Role reversal? You know I love it when we do that!”
“We said we wanted to discuss your new job at COCKed&screwed,” I remind him, picking up the tears on my cheeks. I can’t shake the image of Mr. Winters accosting my tears.
“I want to know who made you cry!” Ignas had to mature too early in his life. I’ve had a lot of patients in the past five years with his background. He’s been recovering, steadily getting better. I disagree with his decision to start sex work, but Smolyakov is right. Ignas has no parents to support him. He’s not married. He must make ends meet somehow. I’d want him to leave Katantia, but he has no education. He’s been going to night school to get his high school diploma.
“I told you that I like this one guy, right?” I start. We take a seat on the couch. I sit cross-legged, gazing at my cuticles. Ignas observes me. He’s resilient. I want to protect him because I keep seeing the old him, the fragile boy who’d come to me for help. Ignas has evolved, though. Unlikehim.“Well, long story short, I had sex with him over the weekend.”
“Sex as in… Sex? The way the rest of us understand it?” Ignas asks with curious eyes.
I nod. He lets out a shriek of excitement that rattles me. “OH MY GOD! YOU WENT AND DID IT! FINALLY! Oh my god. How was the dick? Please, tell me it was worth pining over for FIVE years.”
I sniffle. Unfortunately, thedickis my patient. “Never had it like that before. It felt like the first time, the glorified one we see in porn? You know what I mean? Fuck… You were born here. You don’t know any porn!”
“Oh, shit! I live porn. I don’t need to see it.” Ignas is genuinely happy for me, and I consume his positive energy, hoping that it will push out all the doubts. “Details. I want details! When’s the repeat? I’ll get Smolyakov, my popcorn, and my masturbator.”
I giggle at his joke, finding relief at his humor. “I don’t think there’ll be a repeat. He was drunk. It was his birthday. We had our fun. I… He made me blow him in the middle of the street.”
“HE DID WHAT,” Ignas gasps. “I need some of that dick. What the fuck? I’m sure he’ll come around. Did you tell him that you’ve been fantasizing about him for years?”
He drags out that last word to the max. “No, I didn’t. He’s not stupid. He picks up on the details.”
“Why are you sad then? I’m sure it wasn’t one-sided.”
“I shouldn’t have done it,” I confess, quietly heaving. “It’s wrong. I made an oath. I have a reputation. Others have broken on Katantia, but I don’t… I didn’t want to break. I feel like I’m about to get fired.”
“Fired? You are the busiest doctor on Katantia. Nobody’s taking your place.” Ignas’ face turns serious. “I want to be happy for you, but if he hurt you, I’m not shipping it. So, I suggest that you come to COCKed&screwed. You’ll see how I’m doing at my new job. Perhaps you’ll find a new boo.”
I clear my throat, and I straighten my posture. We both have better things to do than to discuss my love life. “He didn’t hurt me. Now, let’s get back to our session.”
I return to my seat on the other side, grabbing my notepad.
* * *
“You’re such a major cockblocker,”Smolyakov utters. He’s a grown man, and he uses terms frequented by the teens. He’s weird and moody, but he’s my friend, and I accept him. Even when he hates me for being acockblocker.
One day after Ignas invited me, we went to COCKed&screwed. The palace has given us special coupons for shops. Therefore, we don’t have to pay entrance fees anywhere we go. Smolyakov insists on paying his, but I take advantage of my coupon block because I never use it.
