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Kamila and Fylox are doing great. They have each other, and they want to be better for themselves and for Alex. Jordan, on the other hand?
I’m not sure he wants to get better. He’s been torturing himself for years, coming to therapy. He doesn’t open up, and you can’t help someone that doesn’t want your help.
I know Jordan’s not well. I’ve been aware of it for a while now. He doesn’t give away much, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why he is the way he is. He’s in his best spirits after the gym, after letting out all the pent-up anger and tension inside of him.
There’s a lot of responsibility weighing heavy on his shoulders. They’re strong, his shoulders. Nonstop, Jordan has been carrying that weight for five years and more. There’s one reoccurring statement in our sessions. He claims he’s more relaxed now that he’s on Katantia, traveling less and worrying about fewer people. It’s a lie. Katantia can bring out claustrophobia in people, and I’m starting to think that the small space of Katantia hasn’t helped him.
It’s made things worse.
In America, he had a vast country at his feet. From my interpretation of what Fylox has told me about their life in the States, they traveled a lot. They didn’t see a lot of people. Fylox was one of Jordan’s higher-ups in a long line-up of men that worked for Jordan. They did all thestreet work. Fylox says that he and Jordan came out as the star act of the show, rarely and only if it was worth the strain. On any other day, you’d find them stuck in front of computer screens. They haven’t told me what they did exactly. It involved a lot of secrecy and running from the law. On Katantia, I don’t have to obeylaws. Nobody forces me to report a crime I detect in my sessions.
Still, I’ve asked Fylox to sugarcoat the grimy details.
Jordan has been stretching his limits for a long time.
He’s in denial, and so am I. A lot of my patients are. It rubs off on you. Professional or not, I have grown attached to Jordan over the past five years. It didn’t happen overnight. What eventually occurred this past week shouldn’t have.
I chase Smolyakov away from my patients, but I went and did what I accused my friend of.
And the worst thing is that I believed I was helping him. For the first time in our acquaintance, Jordan seemed carefree. I was all that mattered to him.
I should’ve known that he would reach his breaking point in my presence. That’s just my luck.
I’ve been in a bad mood ever since he ran out of my apartment. All around me, people keep bringing up Alex’s win like it’s supposed to make me happy. It doesn’t, but I pretend like everything’s fine to avoid the questions. Smolyakov knows that something is wrong, but he doesn’t push me.
My bad mood translates to tons of coffee. I’ve been staying at Smolyakov’s because my home doesn’t feel like my home anymore because ofhim. I’m constantly drawing, breaking pencils, and wrinkling paper out of frustration. Smolyakov has taken the liberty of transferring my patients to the newbies until the next week.
I feel like I’ve betrayed them by agreeing to this royal party. I should be at home, doing my routine of illness.
Once we’re at the palace, it takes another half an hour until we’re finally allowed inside the compound. I sensehisgaze on me, although he’s nowhere to be seen. This sentiment isn’t new to me. Even before he fucked me and called me names, I couldn’t escape him.
We’ve been here before. Danai and her husband steal kisses from each other. Malena’s on the lookout for her brother. Smolyakov’s checking out all the guests. This party is more official than last week’s birthday party. The women wear gowns, and the men are in their finest suits. I could gag on all the expensive jewelry. I stare at my fingers, devoid of any rings. My heart grows heavy.
The violins in the back add to a tranquil ambiance.
My friends and I find our table in the Main Hall. At these events, it’s usually just us. The rest of the doctors the family invites never comes. We get a reputation at the hospital for attending, but Smolyakov always comes up with a clever comeback when they shame us, but mostly Malena, for her brother’s palace job.
As always, the royals make their grant entrance after everyone’s seated. Their table is next to ours. I don’t know why the other doctors despise the royals. Kamila had hoped to mellow their relations, but she hasn’t managed to accomplish that. After everything Kamila has done for me, I can’t ignore her invitations. Smolyakov’s right. We get free food, a nice party. They treat us like we’re part of the royals.
“Ivy!” Penelope Jade sneaks away from her parents. Aris keeps an eye on her as she rushes over to greet me. “Hello!”
She’s wearing a blue suede suit with pink sneakers. I’ve watched this child grow up. The first time I met her, she was a little bean in the newborn intensive care unit. I was new at the time, frightened and intimidated by Katantia.
Danai helped me out in the early days, and I’ll be forever grateful.
When Penelope Jade was born, the entire island stood still. The little girl doesn’t know it, but she was part of a special moment in her country’s history.
Penelope Jade doesn’t cease to amaze me. I don’t specialize in child therapy, but I’ve seen her once or twice over the years. Valentina doesn’t let anyone she doesn’t trust meet her daughter. Danai is Valentina’s obstetrician-gynecologist, and since I’m Danai’s best friend, I’m trustworthy by association.
Penelope Jade doesn’t like touching people or being touched. It was one of the reasons why her parents wanted me to see her. Instead of a hug, we shake hands like she’s a grownup. With her little suit, she might as well be. There’s glitter on her face. She’s a walking contradiction, but she’s one of the most fun kids I know, even if she’s a bit quiet.
“How are you?” she asks like she’s reading the line from a script. Fylox does it, too. I’m sure her mom told her that asking this question is small talk.
“I’m great, how are you? Have you been reading any new comic books?”
Penelope Jade nods in excitement. She’s had her dad read them to her for years, and now, she’s slowly picking up the habit herself at age five. “I’ve just discovered Aquaman. He’s a bit weird in some of the comics, but I really liked the movie, so I’m going to read them all!”
The rest of the table remains quiet while Penelope Jade is with me. They’re watching us, curious as to what’s going to happen next. Will the crazy single lady harm one of the palace’s most precious kids?
