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“He hasn’t?” I ask, the question addressing Jordan.
“He got a raise,” Jordan reveals, and the fake smile that polishes his face intimidates me. I never thought I’d be more afraid of Jordan pretending than of his stalking skills. “He’s in for a treat. It’ll take some time until he finds a new rhythm.”
“Oh, that’s good to hear,” Danai replies, obviously unhappy with Jordan’s response. She wanted the juicy details, but Jordan gave her the short version, the lie.
When we reach our floor, Danai hugs me. “Please, call me up? We haven’t spoken in a while. Smolyakov’s been absent, too. We should go to the Gold Necklace this weekend.”
“Definitely.” I nod into her hug. The truth is, I don’t want to party. I don’t want to go outside of my home. I can’t risk it.
“Goodbye, Jordan. It was nice to see you again,” Danai says as she enters her apartment.
Jordan kicks off his shoes like I do once we’re inside my place. He doesn’t wear a leather jacket today. He must have left it in the car. I stare at his fit physique. He barely fits into my hallway, his big frame crowding it.
Danai’s petite frame was a stark contrast to Jordan’s. Seeing it again in person made me realize the difference.
When it’s just us, it’s hard to pay attention to how big Jordan is, how defined his body is. I’m used to seeing him post-workout, his body buzzing from his exercise. From his thick thighs to his strong arms, I can see it all through his T-shirt. It sticks to his formed skin, and I’d salivate over him on any other day.
Today, I don’t have the energy to gawk at him some more.
We take a shower together, and afterward, we go to bed. We hang the towels to dry, and we lie down naked. Jordan places the paper bag of fast food on the night table. He wants me to eat, but I can’t.
My hair is wet, making a mess of the pillows.
“I can’t be your dad,” Jordan says. “I don’t want to be, little doe. You don’t want that from me.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, hiding my face behind my sheets. It feels good to be home, and I was sleepy on my way from work, but as I lie here, I can’t be still. I fidget with the sheets, my temperature rising.
“Ivy, I mean it. How old are you again?” he asks in his serious voice, and I shudder. I’m not at the end of that voice very often, and it’s a scary place to be.
“You know how old I am,” I tell him.
“I do. Say it.”
“I just turned thirty-one.”
“You can’t afford to act like a baby,” Jordan says, and I want to disappear. My eyes are shut. “For fuck’s sake, Ivy. You treat the Queen of Katantia. You haven’t had a proper vacation in years because everyone asks for your service. When will you finally register how important you are and how much you mean to people? You can’t let Abbott make you feel useless. I don’t recognize you right now.”
I don’t know how one meeting can make me feel so low, but it did, and I can’t hide the sobs. It’s pathetic and weak. I’m sent back into the mindset of my old self, the girl before Ivy.
Hugh Abbott doesn’t lie when he says he controlled my life. I required his validation to exist.
“Do you regret me?” I ask.
“No, I don’t,” he states, removing the sheets from my vicinity. “Don’t ever hide from me. You’re having a phase, and we’ll get you out of it.”
“We?”
“Yes. You’re going on a coffee detox, little doe. I don’t want to see a drop of it until you’re back to your normal self. I’m not your daddy. I’ve got grandkids, little doe. I’m your partner, and we help each other out of our funks.” My heart pounds in agreement. He reaches for the paper bag, and I study how his muscles contort for this simple movement. He doesn’t stretch much to grab the food, but it’s enough of a sight to feast on. I can see that the bag’s oily and dirty and… Fuck, it smells so good. My stomach reacts instantly. “As I said, I’ll force-feed you now, so take a seat, and open that mouth of yours. I’m only going to do this once.”
I do as told, andas I saidI would, I spent the rest of the afternoon in the bathroom.
Jordan’s right there with me, though.
CHAPTERTWENTY
JORDAN
Ivy staresat me while I exchange the old light bulb in her living room with an LED one. Her doe eyes take me in like she’s never seen me before. I don’t even need the ladder she’s provided me with. I reach up, and I twist.
